Helga's Baby Shattered
by KatherineHowardRose
Summary: SLOW UPDATES This is an alternate idea to the original "Helga's Baby" story. It picks up at chapter 26 from the original (not the rewrite). Helga and Arnold deal with the loss of their baby, and the slow loss of Helga's sanity.
1. Chapter 1

***Warning* This is an alternate to "Helga's Baby," it picks up right after chapter twenty-five. I highly suggest reading the previous chapters first. This is incredibly dark and won't always be incredibly realistic, it's meant to be a bit hyperbole.**

Arnold rubbed his eyes and checked his phone. The illuminated screen read two forty-five. He grumbled and untangled himself from Helga, his socked feet touching the cold floor. He avoided the creaky step and went to the bathroom. When he came back upstairs, he heard Helga making noises.

She looked troubled with her brow furrowed and her lip in a pout. Helga was still asleep, but she had realized he was gone. Arnold stood at the bedside and watched her, curious.

"Arnold?" She muttered, moving her hand on his side of the bed. "Where?"

He blushed. _Maybe this is what grandma meant...maybe Helga calls out for me in her sleep when I'm not here..._

"Arnold!" Her voice grew louder, but it was a little higher than normal. Her lips trembled. "I'm scared!"

His heart melted. Arnold sat back in bed and put his hand on her cheek. "Here I am." He whispered.

Immediately, Helga's face relaxed into a smile. Her lips were still retaining their pout, making them look soft. Arnold laid down next to her. Helga sighed and wrapped herself around him again. Arnold smiled. _I guess it really was true, that she really did love me all those years._ It was odd to him that she was instantly comforted by his presence.

"Mmm..." Helga muttered in her sleep. She had one of his arms in a death grip.

Arnold knew his arm was going to be numb when he woke up again. He tried to withdraw, but Helga was having none of it. He sighed and gave up. _Helga is having her way with me, what else is new?_ He chuckled. That's what he liked about her, she didn't try to change herself or give in just to impress someone. She was always exactly herself.

That morning, Arnold found a note on his desk. Stella had written that she would give them a ride to school since she was worried about Helga waiting in the cold at the bus stop. Arnold got his things together and started to get dressed. He looked over at the bed and saw that Helga was still dead asleep.

_She is not going to be happy..._ Arnold went over and poked her. "Helga, wake up..."

Helga swatted at his hand and buried herself under the covers. Arnold tried again, shaking her a little. "Helga, you have to get ready for school."

"No!" She pouted, and pulled the covers over her head.

Arnold pulled the covers off, making her yelp.

"Ah! Cold!" She tried to grab them back.

"Come on, we have to get going." Arnold held the covers hostage to ensure she got up.

Helga sat up and glared at him. "Fine..." She rolled out of bed and stumbled around the room, unsure of what to do first. She then grabbed a towel and went to shower.

Arnold grabbed his backpack and coat and headed down to the kitchen. He dumped them on the floor and seated himself at the breakfast table. Stella was sitting already, sipping some tea and nibbling at toast and jam while reading a book. Pookie was singing an old country west song and wearing a cow wrangler getup while frying eggs.

"Better eat up, Tex!" Pookie chirped as she dished up the eggs and placed it in front of Arnold. "You've got a long cattle drive today."

"Thanks, grandma." Arnold tucked in to his food.

Stella looked up. "Good morning, Arnold."

"Morning, mom." He said between mouthfuls.

Pookie set a plate of toast and a glass of milk in front of him. "Where's your gal?"

"She's still getting ready." Arnold continued on his breakfast. "I got your note, mom."

Stella nodded. "Oh, good. Well, I didn't have to be at work until this afternoon anyway. I want to make sure Helga doesn't relapse."

Helga came into the kitchen, she was putting a necklace on as she came in. Arnold looked up and dropped his fork. Helga looked like a snow bunny. She was wearing a cute white fleece beret with sling-back pigtails. She was wearing a powder blue tank top that had little silver snowflakes embroidered on it, with an off the shoulder white wool sweater. She had on an ice blue pleated mini skirt with ice blue leggings underneath. She was wearing white boots with little puff balls on the ties. Helga had even done her makeup. She sat down at the table.

"Morning everyone."

Stella looked over Helga's ensemble. "You look nice, sweetie."

"Oh, thanks." She smiled at Stella. "I thought it would help me feel less gross."

"You still feel sick?" Stella's face fell.

Helga shrugged. "Nah, I just feel all tired and crappy, you know?"

Arnold set his plate aside. "You sure you're okay enough to go to school?"

"This'll put a pep in your step!" Pookie set a plate of dry toast and a cup of coffee with the milk jug in front of Helga.

"Thank you." She poured a generous amount of milk into her coffee and stirred it. She turned to Arnold. "I'm fine, this'll help." Helga lifted her coffee cup to him, then sipped it.

Arnold put his dishes in the sink. "Well, if you're sure."

"Yeah, yeah." She crammed toast in her mouth.

"You don't need to rush, honey." Stella refilled her tea.

Helga swallowed and drank some more coffee. "What do you mean? The bus'll be here soon."

Stella handed Helga a napkin. "I'm going to drive you to school. Miles can pick you up from school. We don't want you to stand out in the cold."

"It's okay, you don't have to do that." Helga picked at her second piece of toast. She was glad that, for the time being, she was over her morning sickness.

Stella batted her hand. "Don't be silly. Your health is important. You'll have to stay with Arnold at his practice since Miles doesn't get off until later anyway."

Helga nodded, nibbling a corner of the toast. Arnold put his hands on Helga's shoulders and smiled at her. She tilted her head back. "What?"

He chuckled. "Nothing." He kissed her nose.

Helga blushed and got up to put her dishes in the sink. "I'll go get my coat."

They met in the garage and piled into the car. Helga was wearing a cream fleece and suede coat she had gotten for Christmas the year before. Arnold got in the backseat with her. He couldn't help but notice that when she leaned forward the sweater slung down, revealing the tight tank top and the massive cleavage it gave her. He jerked his head up and pretended to look out the window as Stella got into the car. She looked behind her.

"All right, now remember, Miles will pick you up at the gym entrance."

They nodded and Stella backed out and drove them to school. When they arrived, Stella turned around again.

"Arnold, please tell your father to get you kids dinner somewhere after school. I have to work late, and I think it will be nice if the three of you spend some time together."

"Sounds good, mom." Arnold grabbed his backpack. "Have a good day at work."

Helga grabbed her bag and smiled at Stella. "Yeah, thank you. See you later."

Arnold came around the side of the car and opened the door for Helga, and took her hand. She blushed and took it. He shut the car door and led her into the school. Rhonda and Nadine were also heading inside.

"Oh my, Helga." Rhonda stopped them. "I had no idea that maternity wear could be so _fashionable._"

Helga rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you know me, _princess,_ top of the line designers." She laughed.

"What was that about?" Arnold looked back at Rhonda's shocked face.

"No idea." Helga shrugged. "I guess God forbid I dress like a chick once in a while."

Arnold looked her over again. "Well, I like it."

She punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Of course you do, football head." She chuckled. "It makes me look like I have huge knockers."

He blushed and tried to ignore her comment. He was about to change the subject when they reached Helga's locker. Arnold froze, there was a wire coat hanger on Helga's locker with a note taped to it. Helga stepped up to her locker and read the note. She was silent. Arnold came up behind her and read the note over her shoulder.

_Thought this might come in handy._

Helga bit her lip, forcing the tears to retreat. She jumped when Arnold ripped the hanger off her locker and marched back toward the stairs. Helga followed him to the dean's office. Arnold ignored the receptionist and walked straight into Mister Creaver's office.

"Young man, what is the meaning of this intrusion?"

Arnold slapped the hanger down on the desk, the note fluttering. His fierce gaze held Mister Creaver's. "This was on Helga Pataki's locker." His voice was low, dangerous.

Mister Creaver lifted the note attached to the hanger and read it. He looked up at Helga, who was fidgeting in the doorway, looking lost. He sighed. "I'm sorry, but anyone could have done this. There's really nothing I can do..."

Arnold slammed his palms on the desk. "Are you serious?! They're _torturing_ her, and you're going to do _nothing?!_"

Mister Creaver held up his hand. "I understand that you are upset, but without any evidence of which student, or students, did this, my hands are tied."

Arnold wheeled around, he grabbed Helga's arm. "Let's go..." he half dragged her out of the office.

Helga burned inside. '_Thought this might come in handy._' Without thinking, her free hand was covering her stomach, as if to protect her baby from the awful thought. She noticed Gwen and Nina, the head cheerleaders, pointed at her and giggling. She swallowed hard. _Don't freak out...if you cry, they win..._ She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. "I...I have to go to class, Arnold..." She headed toward the art room.

"Helga, you're still wearing your coat." He followed her.

She ignored him and entered the art room. He felt weird going into a class that wasn't his, so he lingered in the doorway. Helga and Miss Archer were the only ones in the classroom. Miss Archer handed Helga some tissues and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, you can bring Phoebe and spend your lunch here." She smiled. "I know you girls won't disrupting my painting one class."

Helga sniffled. "Th-thank you."

Miss Archer pulled out her key and unlocked the large steel cabinets. "Now, why don't you get settled. I'm excited to see how your goldfish watercolor is coming along."

Arnold turned and headed back upstairs to his class, happy that Helga was in good hands. When he got to class, Gerald was trying to flirt with Nina, but to no avail. When Arnold sat down, Nina giggled.

"_Hi_, Arnold." She sang.

"Hi." He mumbled back, taking his notebook out of his backpack.

Gerald gave him a side-look, and Arnold shrugged. Nina continued to give Arnold looks during class, making his face red. He kept his eyes on the board, but he could see Nina's smiling face in his peripheral vision. At the end of class, Nina pretended to trip and drop her notebook.

"Oh, oops!" She giggled, not moving to pick it up.

Arnold sighed and grabbed it and thrust the notebook at her. "Here." He avoided her gaze.

Nina tossed her hair, accepting the book. "Thanks." She muttered, giving him a dark look.

He ignored her and headed out the door. _For all I know, she could have been one of the girls who put the hanger on Helga's locker..._ The thought made him sick. _I can't even imagine how awful Helga must feel. I hope she's okay._

Third and fourth period Helga and Phoebe had class together, and Gerald would often meet them and walk them to their next class since his was next door. Phoebe and Gerald were chatting as they walked down the stairs, Helga was a step behind them. Her mind was preoccupied by her powerful craving for crunchy, buttered english muffins and extra cold pears. Something slammed into her back, throwing her off balance. Helga tried to regain her footing, but she had been in mid-step.

Helga screamed as she fell, her hands thrust out before her to break her fall. Before Gerald could turn around, Helga hit the side of her stomach on the stairs. Her palms slapped onto the step in front of her. Bones crunched as she halted her momentum. One of her wrists was crooked, snapped from the impact. Helga's knees had slammed into the corner of the step behind her, blood seeped through her pant legs.

As two girls plowed past them, the fire alarm sounded, drowning out Helga's screams. Students clapped their hands over their ears and started running, trying to escape the ear-splitting noise, causing a stampede.

"Helga!" Gerald shouted. He didn't know what to do, Helga was sprawled out on the stairs before him, but students were knocking into him. Someone stepped on Helga's hand, eliciting a fresh scream. The alarm echoed in the enclosed space. Gerald tried to grab Helga's wrists to pull her up, but she wrenched away from him, the pain of her broken wrist sending fire through her body.

"Gerald!" Phoebe shrieked as a boy on the lacrosse team slammed into her shoulder, sending her sprawling onto the stairs. Her hands and knees hit the stairs hard. Another student accidentally kicked her. She shrieked again.

Gerald's heart fell into his feet, his blood cold. "Phoebe!" He struggled to regain his hold on Helga while scooting over to Phoebe. Helga was writhing under him like a hell cat. Her wrist flopped in his grip, her muscles straining to be released. Gerald wrenched her over to Phoebe, nearly pulling her arms out of their sockets. He wrapped his arm around Helga's chest and stretched his free arm out to Phoebe. "Grab my hand!"

The trio had been in the middle of the second floor stairs when she fell. Phoebe reached up and grabbed Gerald's hand. His muscles screamed as he tried to haul her to her feet. Phoebe's feet slipped under her, she had twisted her ankle when she fell. When Gerald was sure he was going to drop one of the girls, he felt Phoebe's weight slip out of his grasp. He looked up and saw Dan hoisting Phoebe into his arms. Seeing the scene from the third floor stairs, he had charged his way down, knocking students out of his way.

"Come on!" He yelled over the noise. He bulldozed through, creating a path for Gerald.

Gerald managed to wrestle Helga into his arms. He gasped when he saw that she was gushing blood from her crotch. The hair on his neck stood on end. _No! Oh Lord, Helga! Don't you dare lose that baby!_ He followed Dan out into the hall. Dan's friend, Ryan, saw the boys charging down the hall, but the masses were blocking their way.

He jumped in front of them and shoved students out of the way while shouting. "Move it! Emergency! Get the fuck out of the way!"

The three boys managed to get the girls to the nurse's office. They exploded through the doors, frightening the staff. Gerald shouted at the nurse. "Call nine one one!" He set Helga on one of the cots.

Dan set Phoebe into one of the chairs while Ryan grabbed the phone from the desk. He punched the buttons, glaring at the frozen nurse.

He shouted over the alarms. "Hello! We have a situation...yeah! Hillwood High School! A pregnant girl fell on the stairs! Hurry!"

Ryan stayed on the phone as emergency services assured him that the paramedics were on their way. Phoebe tried to get up to see Helga, but Dan held her down. Her ankle was already swollen, straining against her shoe. Dan bent down and wrenched her shoe off, worried it would make the swelling worse. Gerald tried to hold Helga down, worried her thrashing would hurt her further.

"Pataki! Calm the fuck down!" He shouted in her face. "Stop moving! You're making it worse!"

Helga was beyond reasoning, something was wrong, there was no movement inside her. Her insides burned and were clenching. _My baby! My baby is dying! Someone help me!_

A pair of men in white coats ran into the room. They pushed Gerald out of the way. Helga shied away from them, but one grabbed her forearms and forced her to be still. Tears streamed down Helga's face as a third man rushed in with a stretcher. Her head spun, she was being lifted. The stretcher creaked under her. Straps were wound over her, restraining her.

"There might still be time to save it." One of the men said as they rolled her toward the back doors.

Ryan and Dan ran ahead and held the doors open for the paramedics. Another man shook his head as they ran toward the waiting ambulance. "I'm pretty sure she had a miscarriage. We need to stop her from bleeding out."

Helga's eyes shot open wide, her mouth agape. She couldn't breathe. _Miscarriage? Miscarriage?!_ Helga tried to sit up. "No hospital!" She shrieked. "No hospital!" Save for her happy day of seeing her baby on the ultrasound screen, every visit she had had to the hospital was for the damage Big Bob had done. Stitches in various places, a broken arm, a sprained ankle. The hospital terrified her.

They ignored her outburst, hauling the stretcher up into the ambulance. Clusters of students were gaping at the scene from their classroom windows. One of them was Arnold.

Arnold was in his history class when the fire alarm went off. His class rushed for the doors, but someone shouted, "Look!" over the din, pointing out the window. The class rushed back over to the windows, there were sirens wailing outside. Instead of a fire truck, there was an ambulance. A chill went down his spine. _Please don't be for Helga..._ He jumped from his desk and muscled his way to the windows so he could get a good look. Two paramedics rushed out of the vehicle and into the school. Their teacher was also watching out the window. A few moments later, a fire truck arrived, adding to the noise.

The paramedics reappeared with someone on a stretcher. Arnold's knees almost gave out when he saw the blonde hair and the blue and white outfit. He leaned against the window frame, his hands shaking. When he saw the huge red stain on her clothes his head spun. _No! No!_ Arnold turned and rushed out of the class room, grabbing his backpack as he went.

He galloped down the stairs and through the hall toward the front doors. A hall monitor tried to stop him, but he shoved them, knocking them to the ground. The ambulance was already speeding out of the parking lot. The fire fighters had already entered the school. He saw the back doors of the nurse's office were open. Ryan and Dan shivering in the cold. He ran up to them.

"Who's got a car?" Arnold demanded looking between them.

Dan pulled his keys out of his pocket. "I've always wanted to ditch."

"Go! I'll call your folks!" Ryan shouted after them, closing the doors.

The two boys ran to the student parking lot. Dan unlocked his car and they jumped in. Arnold was gasping for breath. He felt helpless. _Helga needs me...my baby needs me...what the fuck?!_ His mind replayed the scene over and over, Helga being wheeled away in a stretcher.

"Make a sign!" Dan shouted as he floored it out of the parking lot, the ambulance still in sight.

Arnold snapped out of it. "What?"

"Put a sign up in the window so we don't get pulled over!" Dan wrenched the wheel as they took a turn, flinging around against the door.

He ripped open his backpack and tore a page out of his notebook. He dug out a black sharpie and wrote "Emergency" in large block letters. He undid his seat belt and crawled into the backseat, a roll of tape in his mouth. He taped the sign to the back window, hoping it would be enough to ward off the police. Dan took another hard turn, forcing Arnold to grip onto the seats for dear life. He crawled back up into the front seat and put his seat belt back on.

"Almost there!" Dan reassured him. He had caught up to the ambulance and was running red lights with it. So far they hadn't passed any crusers.

Arnold pulled out his cellphone and dialed Miles.

_Please pick up! _"Dad!"

"Hang on, Arnold...wait why are you calling me?"

Arnold fought to keep his voice under control. "Dad! Helga's being taken to the hospital!"

He heard the sound of furniture scraping through the phone. "I'm on my way!"

Arnold hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He shook his head. "How did this happen?!"

Dan sighed. "During passing period...some bitches pushed Helga on the stairs..."

Arnold felt like he might vomit. _Someone pushed Helga down the stairs? Why?! _He rubbed his eyes. "Oh God...Oh God..." He put his head down. _This isn't happening...I'm going to wake up and Helga will be in bed with me. She'll wake up and smile at me and everything will be okay...Please wake up...someone please wake me up!_

When Arnold sat back up, they were at the hospital. Arnold threw open the car door and jumped out, leaving Dan to find parking. He ran into the ER, Helga had already been taken in. He panted as he halted at the receptionist desk.

She looked up at him over her spectacles. "May I help you?"

"A girl...just...came in..." He struggled to breathe, "pregnant girl..."

She pointed them toward the maternity ward and Arnold took off again down the hall. He was stopped in the maternity waiting room by a young nurse in purple scrubs. "Young man, please! No running!"

Arnold bounced on his heels. "She was just brought in...Helga...I'm the father..."

The nurse bit her lip, she had seen a stretcher with a young girl speed through. "Please have a seat. I'll be with you shortly." She punched in a code and the glass doors opened. Arnold turned toward the chairs and saw a handful of people staring at him. He dropped his gaze to the floor and sat in a chair heavily, as far away from them as possible.

His head was throbbing. A clock on the wall ticked, it sounded monstrously loud in the silence. The people stared at him, wondering at his hysterics. Arnold heard footsteps and perked up. Dan was walking toward him.

"Hey, man." He sat down next to him. "Gerald just texted me. He's waiting with Phoebe for her parents to come." He shook his head. "Man, our school nurse is a fucking joke..."

Arnold nodded. "What happened to Phoebe?"

Dan sighed. "When Helga got pushed down the stairs, it caused a fuckin' stampede. Phoebe got knocked down, I think she broke her ankle."

_Helga was pushed?!_ Arnold wasn't the only one horrified by Dan's report. The people sitting with them gasped. Arnold ignored them. His hands balled into fists. "And I suppose they pulled the fire alarm to cover it up?"

Dan nodded. "Probably. I didn't see who did it..."

The nurse in the purple scrubs returned. Arnold leapt to his feet. She shook her head.

"Is Helga okay?!" His voice had risen a few octaves and it cracked.

She looked down at her clip board so she wouldn't have to meet his gaze. "The patient has suffered severe trauma. We couldn't save the baby..."

The room grew dark and the floor rushed up to meet Arnold. Dan jumped up from his chair and caught Arnold before he fell backward and hit his head on the floor. He dragged him back to the chairs and lowered him into one. Arnold's phone went off and Dan dug it out of his pocket.

"Hello?"

Miles' voice filled the phone. "Arnold? Who is this?"

"It's Dan, Arnold passed out." Silence. Dan cleared his throat. "We're at the hospital now. Helga's..." he couldn't bring himself to say it.

Miles hung up and Dan sank back down into the chair next to Arnold's unconscious body, still holding his phone. The nurse bit her lip and stepped forward.

"Is there anyone I can contact?" She asked, sheepish.

Dan shook his head. "Mister Shortman is on his way, there's no need for that..."

She nodded and went back through the doors. The clock continued to tick, no one moved. Arnold woke up and sat up straight, holding his head. His vision swam before him, he choked down the urge to vomit.

"I'll go get some water..." Dan got up and headed back into the hall to the vending machines, leaving Arnold alone.

A doctor came through the glass doors and Arnold jerked his head up. The doctor stood in front of the cluster of people, a smile on his face. "It's a boy. You can come see him now."

They cheered and held each other, tripping over themselves to follow the doctor. Arnold watched them leave, their joy stung his heart. _'We couldn't save the baby...'_ He buried his face in his hands, his throat was tight and his eyes burned. Dan returned with two bottles of water, he handed one to Arnold.

"Here..." he whispered.

Arnold took it from him, not looking up, and Dan sat down again. They didn't speak or look at each other. Miles ran in, startling them.

"Where's Helga?" His eyes were wild and he was out of breath.

Hearing her name broke him. Arnold dropped the unopened water and started crying. Dan felt awkward, he patted Arnold on the back. He looked up at Miles. "She lost the baby..." He whispered, looking back down at Arnold.

Miles made a funny sound as he sucked in air. Another doctor walked in, his face was solemn. "I assume you're here for Miss Pataki? She's stabilized, you can see her now..."

Miles tugged on Arnold's elbow, he stood up, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Dan stayed seated, staring at the floor. They followed the doctor down the hall to a small room. Helga was alone in a hospital bed. She had a plastic bracelet on, and had two IVs hooked up to her. One had fluids, the other had donor blood. She didn't look up when they walked in.

"Miss Pataki fell on some stairs at school and..."

Arnold interrupted the doctor. "She was _pushed..._"

Both men stared at him. The doctor continued, flustered. "...which resulted in a blow to the uterus. The force triggered a miscarriage. We did all we could, but the fetus was already dead..."

Arnold didn't want to hear anymore. He walked up to the bed where Helga was staring at her hands. She looked pale and had dark circles under her eyes. There were red splotches on her face from broken blood vessels. Her arms were covered in bruises from her fall. When she looked up, Arnold could see that her eyes were splotchy and red too. He stretched out his hand and took hers. Neither of them said a word, they just looked down at their joined hands.

**I might continue this, I have to see how I feel. Plus I want to ensure that I update the original "Helga's Baby" regularly. After I finish I think I might come back to this idea.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Arnold was fidgeting with his hands, staring down at his lap while his father drove. Helga had to stay in the hospital for the evening. The doctors needed to keep her overnight to monitor her for internal bleeding and blood clots. Arnold felt hollow, and guilty for leaving Helga at the hospital. She had remained silent while he sat at her side, her hand in his. Miles had talked with the doctor, their voices a dull buzz in the background. It had been agony to let go of her hand when they had to leave. Helga's eyes were full of terror, they haunted him as they drove back to the boarding house in silence.

Stella had rushed home from work and was waiting for them in the kitchen. Arnold dug his knuckles into his forehead as he sat with his elbows on the table. Stella seemed frantic, looking from Miles to Arnold, but unsure of how to start. Miles was slumped back in his chair, sighing and running his hand through his hair.

"How could this have happened?" Stella planted her hands on the table and leaned in. "How could the school have allowed this to happen?"

Miles shook his head. "Why would someone push her like that? Why?"

Their talking was annoying Arnold, worsening his headache. The image of Helga on the stretcher, and then in the hospital bed played through his mind over and over. Her eyes pleading, begging him not to leave her.

_Our baby is dead..._ His body shook. _They killed our baby..._

"Arnold?"

He smacked his hands down on the table and jerked his head up. "What?!"

Miles and Stella were taken aback by his explosive response. Miles fumbled to recover.

"Well...um, we're trying to decide how to move forward from this."

Stella put her hand on Arnold's shoulder. "We need to decide what we're going to do...now that Helga isn't..."

"You can't just send her back!" Arnold's eyes were wild. "You don't even know what Bob did to her!" He gritted his teeth. "He'll kill her if she goes back there!"

Miles nodded. "No one is saying that. It's just...well..." he rubbed his neck, "it's not very...appropriate for um..."

Arnold sat back down, his eyes on the table. His cheeks burned. _It's not appropriate for Helga to stay in my room anymore. They're worried she could get pregnant again..._ Arnold shook his head. _How could they think that?_ He ran his hand through his hair. _They really think we're so heartless...and stupid?_ He has started to really like the idea of being a father. He had been thinking about what types of fun things they would do together as a family; about the things he wanted to teach their child. Now the thought of those things made him nauseous. Even if they had the opportunity again, would he still want to do it?

"Well, there is the vacant room." Stella tried to meet Arnold's gaze. "Helga could stay there."

Miles nodded. "I think that would be for the best..." he turned to Arnold, "what do you think?"

Arnold shrugged. _I wish I could have protected her better. _He went up to his room, leaving his parents to break the bad news to his grandparents and the boarders. He sat in his bed, staring up at the skylight. He watched as the light grew dim, and then the sun set. His father came upstairs and knocked on his door.

"What?" Arnold called.

Miles opened the door, but didn't turn the light on. "You doing okay?"

"Not really." He muttered.

"Your mother will be bringing Helga home from the hospital tomorrow afternoon." He fidgeted with his hands. "Can you help me move Helga's things and set up the furniture?"

"I don't really see what choice I have..." Arnold rolled over. _It's going to tear her apart when she comes home and finds out...can't they see that?_

Miles shut the door again, leaving Arnold alone in the dark. Arnold thought more about Helga, and how in such a short time his home had become hers, and she had become a part of his family.

_I don't want Helga to leave..._ His throat started to tighten as tears pricked his eyes. _I took her in, I took care of her._ Hot tears streamed down Arnold's cheeks. He thought about waking up next to her each morning, and falling asleep with her in his arms. He squeezed his eyes shut.

_Why? Why did this happen?_ He shook his head. _It was our baby._ He curled up with his knees to his chest. He had rolled against the wall, pressing up against it to try and stop the room from spinning. His body was painful and heavy. His mind raced with images of Helga.

_Please let me wake up from this nightmare._

The next morning, Arnold's alarm went off. He smacked it, and stretched. His back cracked and his joints hurt from sleeping in such an awkward position. He picked up his backpack, about to look through his assignments, when the haze of sleep was lifted. Arnold dropped the backpack and his knees buckled as the day before crashed through his mind.

Stella and Miles were cooking breakfast, they had taken the day off work. The night before they had checked on Arnold before going to bed. He had been asleep, but curled up against the wall. He was shaking in his sleep and calling out for Helga. Stella had tried to comfort Arnold, but he flinched at her touch.

"I just don't know, Miles." She shook her head, watching her son tremble in agony. "Maybe we shouldn't separate them so soon."

Miles put his hand on Stella's shoulder. "If we don't do it now, it'll be even more difficult later."

"You know they're going to hate us for it..." Stella put her hand on Miles' hand.

"I know." He whispered, watching Arnold. "It's for the best."

When they heard a loud crash, they rushed up the stairs to Arnold's loft. When they flung the door open, they saw Arnold curled up on the floor.

"Arnold, honey!" Stella rushed to him.

He shied away from her touch. "Our baby's dead..." he whispered. His eyes were wide and his heart was racing.

Stella hovered over him, unsure of how to help. Miles kneeled on the floor next to them.

"We're going to get through this." He put his hand on Arnold's shoulder. "We're going to get Helga today, and we'll all get through this together."

Arnold shook his head. _What if Helga hates me? What if she leaves?_

Stella coaxed Arnold into sitting up. "Why don't you come downstairs and eat something. I think it will help."

Together they got up and headed down the stairs. Arnold's stomach felt cold inside. He had no desire to eat breakfast, but was too tired to fight his parents. He slumped into a kitchen chair. The boarders were in the main dining room. Arnold was glad to be alone.

"I'm leaving to pick up Helga." Stella poured herself a thermos of coffee. "Breakfast is on the counter. Call if you need anything."

Arnold ignored her, while Miles started putting together a couple of plates. They could hear the boarders talking and rough housing through the wall. Their joyful antics grated on Arnold's nerves.

Miles set the plates down on the table. They were loaded up with scrambled eggs and hash browns. He put some bread in the toaster. "Arnold, I know this is hard. And we understand if you're mad at us..." He leaned against the counter. "We know that you and Helga love each other very much, but..."

Arnold didn't want to listen anymore. Now he knew how Helga felt, why she was always disgusted with the adults around her. He felt changed, older. _Why can't we live together? What's the difference?_ Reality pressed in on him again, igniting pain in his stomach and head. _The difference is the baby is dead and we're supposed to go back to being "normal" teenagers..._

"...with the court case and all..."

"What?" Arnold jerked his head up.

Miles sat down with the plate of toast. "Your mother and I have decided that we are going to take the matter to court. It would be difficult to sue to sue the school, but we can prosecute the girls who pushed Helga." He sighed as he spread butter on a piece of toast. "It seems ridiculous that we even have to do this..."

Arnold rubbed his face with his hand. _First they're going to make Helga live in a room by herself, and now they're going to parade her around in a court room?_ His headache began to stab him in the temples and behind his eyes. He sighed, he wanted to crawl back in bed. _When will it be enough? When will Helga have been tortured enough?_

"Arnold, please eat something." Miles begged.

"I'm not hungry..." Arnold addressed the table, his eyes still closed.

Miles sighed. It pained him to watch Arnold suffer. "You know I would make this all go away if I could..."

Arnold looked up, his eyes were dark. "You know at this point it really doesn't matter."

"Do you want to get started then?" Miles pushed his plate away.

"No." Arnold stood up, not looking at his father. "I don't need your help."

Miles hovered in the hallway for a while, watching Arnold cart Helga's things down the stairs to the vacant room. He had managed to convince Arnold to let him help drag the old bed out of storage and get it set up in the room.

Arnold placed Helga's belongings with care, trying to set up the room the way she would want it. He dragged a bookshelf out of storage that needed a fresh coat of paint. He set it up and began painstakingly arranging Helga's books exactly how she had placed them in his room. He promised himself that he would properly paint the bookshelf another day.

When the front door opened, Arnold could hear Stella talking. He froze, unsure if he should go downstairs to meet Helga, or if he should continue moving her things until his parents brought her upstairs.

Miles made the decision for him. He came upstairs and entered Helga's new room. "Helga's here. How about you take a break and come downstairs?"

Arnold conceded and followed his father down the stairs. Helga and Stella were seated in the front room. Her eyes flew up to him when he entered, it jolted him. His eyes went to her stomach, which was smaller, flatter. She looked down and crossed her arms over her stomach. Arnold darted his eyes away.

_Our baby is dead..._

The words seemed to fill the room. Helga fidgeted, her gaze on the floor. Arnold sat down on the couch, unsure of if he should take Helga's hand or not.

"I already talked to Helga." Stella's voice cut through the suffocating tension. "I thought it might be nice if we ordered in some lunch."

Miles nodded. "I think that's a great idea. What do you kids want to eat?"

Arnold and Helga ignored Miles. Both of the teens felt as if a chasm had opened between them, and they had no idea how to close it. Helga wanted to throw herself into Arnold's arms and cry herself into exhaustion, but her body refused to move. Arnold felt awkward in front of his parents. He felt as if his every gesture would be judged and possibly deemed "inappropriate."

Miles and Stella looked at each other. Miles sighed and shrugged. "You guys want Chinese?"

At that point, Arnold felt any type of food was about as appetizing as rocks. Helga was beginning to become annoyed, fueled by the old hatred she had reserved for her own parents. She shrugged. "Whatever."

Her voice startled them. Helga had refused to talk the entire time Stella had been at the hospital and drove her home. When they realized she wasn't going to speak further, Miles got up from his chair and headed for the kitchen.

"Chinese it is then..."

Arnold turned and looked at Helga. She was still glaring at the floor. His mind burned as he willed his hand to stretch out and take hers. His limbs felt heavy and cold. When he placed his hand over hers, he found it was warm. His fingers curled around her palm and he felt something inside him break.

_I love her. I can't stop loving her. I'll be lost if she dies too._

Helga met his gaze, fear flickered across her eyes for a moment, replaced again by her anger. She squeezed his hand.

_Don't leave me, Arnold. I think I might die without you._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Arnold had finished moving Helga's things back into her room by the time dinner arrived. When Helga went into her room that evening, Arnold had stood in the hallway, watching her timidly explore. His heart felt raw as he tore his eyes away and headed up to his own room.

The room was gloomy without Helga's pink journals lining the shelves on the walls. He sat on his bed with his back against the headboard. He jumped when he heard a soft knock at the door.

"H-hello?" Arnold whispered.

The door slowly opened a crack. Helga's head appeared and she slid the rest of the way into the room. In the gloom, Arnold could see that she was in her pink pajamas, clutching her pillow. She shut the door behind her and stood staring at him.

"C-can...can I stay here...just for a little bit?"

Her voice was cracking. It ignited Arnold. He jumped up from the bed and lunged for her, drawing her into his arms. She dropped the pillow and pressed into him, her arms around his neck. Her tears dampened his shirt. Arnold petted her hair.

"Shhh...I'm here." It felt so good to hold her again. Everything seemed almost all right again.

Helga's body shook as she sobbed against him, her face buried in his shoulder. "'mm...sorry!" She gasped.

Arnold held her tighter. "Oh God, Helga..." He could feel himself start to cry.

_Our baby is dead._

They managed to fumble toward the bed before they collapsed. Arnold sat with Helga in his lap. They were huddled so close, and their limbs ached from holding each other so tight. Their throats and heads hurt from trying to stay quiet.

Helga's hands trembled as she clutched Arnold's shirt. "Arnold..." she whispered through her choked sobs, "please don't leave me..."

Arnold pulled away. Helga's face was red from crying. Tears kept rolling down her cheeks, and her nose was running. He took his shirttail and wiped her face, and managed a sad smile. "I love you, Helga." He sniffled and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "I'm so sorry...I wasn't there..."

Helga bit her lip and hiccuped. She fought not to burst into fresh sobs. "I..." she shook her head, "my fault..." Her hands went down to her stomach, trying to find what she knew wasn't there. Her nails dug into the fabric of her shirt. She gritted her teeth as the grief broke through. "I h-hate m-mm-myself!"

She collapsed, pressing her fists against her mouth as she cried. Arnold put his hands on her shoulders and brought his face close to hers.

"Shhh..." he kissed her forehead, "No, don't hate yourself." Comforting Helga was a welcome distraction. He could temporarily forget about his own grief. He pulled her back into his lap and rocked her. He rubbed her back and whispered a song to her.

"You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...you make me happy, when skies are grey..."

Helga felt her muscles begin to relax. The sound of Arnold's voice always had a calming effect on her. After a few minutes she was able to breath slower, and her body stopped shaking. Arnold felt her change in mood, and helped Helga lie down with him on the bed. His back was starting to ache from the shelves digging in. They fell asleep tangled in each others' arms. Their faces sticky and hot from crying.

The next morning, Arnold's alarm went off for school. He woke up with his head throbbing from dehydration. Helga had draped one of her arms over his chest, and one of her legs over his legs. He sat for a minute, trying to decide if he should carry Helga down to her new bed, or just leave her in his. He ran his hand through his hair.

_This is stupid..._ he shook his head. Arnold got out of bed, untangling Helga from himself. He pulled the covers over her and tucked her in. She smiled in her sleep, making him smile too.

He showered and got his things together for school, trying not to wake Helga up. He wished he could study at home too, he had no desire to face his classmates.

The bus was late. Arnold started considering ditching school all together as he stood shivering in the early morning frost. He sighed, thinking about how upset Helga would be when she woke up in his room, alone. The bus rounded the corner and Arnold looked back at the boarding house. Steam billowed out from the laundry room vent, obscuring his view of the windows. The bus squealed to a halt, and the doors creaked open. Arnold trudged onto the bus, dropping in his fare, and flopped down on the nearest empty seat.

Everything seemed pointless to him. The chatter of the other passengers melted together into a buzz. The dismal grey streets and dingy brown brick and steel buildings all looked the same out the window. The school loomed up before him, herds of students filing into the front doors.

Arnold's hands were shaking. He jammed them in his pockets and exited the bus. He kept his eyes on the sidewalk in front of him. The curious stares of his classmates burned into him. The heat from the school blasted his face as he walked inside. Rhonda was leaning against her locker, talking with Harold. When Arnold walked past, they dropped their conversation to a whisper. He ignored them and kept walking.

"Hey, man."

Arnold jumped when he heard Gerald's voice. He looked up and nodded at his best friend. "Hey."

They walked together toward their lockers. Arnold went through the motions, and accidentally grabbed his English book instead of his math book.

Gerald waited as Arnold tried to decipher what books he was supposed to put in his bag. "Dude, I just want you to know...me and Pheebs are here for you...okay?"

Arnold nodded. "Yeah." He closed his locker door and followed Gerald to their first class.

The head cheerleader, Nina, was sitting on Rachel's desk, and the two were deep in conversation. When Arnold and Gerald entered the room, the class fell silent. Arnold kept his gaze to the floor, doing his best to ignore the curious stares. He sank into his desk and pulled out his notebook and started flipping through it, pretending to be busy.

"I just want to remind you that basketball starts next week." Gerald played with his pencil, trying to be delicate. "If you need to, I'm sure coach will understand if you need to take a break..."

Arnold slumped forward with his face in his arms on his desk. He shut his eyes, uninterested. Basketball seemed worlds away, an activity someone else would do. He sighed.

_I feel like a different person. Did I really put that much of my life into Helga and the baby? What am I going to do now? Things can't just go back to the way they were...can they?_

He sat back up and ran his hand through his hair. Nina and her pack of girls were watching him. Arnold felt a burning in his stomach, the beginning of anger.

_I bet they think that I'm free game now._ He glared at his notebook. _They probably think I'll just go running off with the first one who talks to me._

His predictions weren't far off. After class, Arnold was trying to gather up his books at a snail's pace when Rachel came up to his desk, twirling a lock of her black hair.

"Hey, Arnold," she giggled and simpered, "um, if you're not, like, doing anything..."

"No." Arnold slung his backpack over his shoulder and brushed past her.

She stood rooted to the spot, unsure of his answer. "Um, does that mean..."

Arnold kept walking. "Whatever it is, no."

Before Arnold could walk out of class, Lila was waiting for him near the doorway. She fell into step beside him.

"Hello, Arnold." She crooned.

He rolled his eyes and fought to ignore her. Lila inched a little closer to him, and Arnold quickened his pace.

Lila's hair bounced as she followed him. "So, how does freedom taste, Arnold?"

Arnold's head ached, his jaw was tight as he ground his teeth. He could feel his anger mounting. _Don't give her the satisfaction...just keep walking..._

"I know what would cheer you up..." Lila batted her eyelashes. "Let's go make a _good_ memory on that staircase."

Arnold turned. They had been walking close to a section of lockers, and now Arnold grabbed Lila, pinning her against them.

"My, my," Lila giggled, "a bit rough, aren't we?"

_"__Shut up!"_ Arnold was shaking. He knew he wanted to punch the smirk off Lila's face, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. _"Shut the fuck up!"_

Lila's face crumpled with feigned hurt. "Arnold...I just did it to show you how much I love you..."

His mind reeled. "What?" _Did she just say...?_

Crocodile tears streamed down Lila's face, creating crusty rivers in her makeup. "I just thought you would be happy not having to raise that disgusting brat..."

Arnold's hand was tingling. A red mark blossomed on the side of Lila's face. In his rage, he had slapped her. He couldn't bear to listen to her run Helga and Gummy Bear through the mud. He couldn't bear to hear that Lila had done it on purpose in a twisted attempt to win his affections. He took a wobbly step back as Lila's hand flew up to her cheek in disbelief. Arnold ran down the stairs to the dean's office.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_What have I done?_

Arnold replayed the moment over and over again, his head in his hands as he waited to see the counselor. He ran his hand through his hair, cringing inside for giving in to his raw emotions. When he remembered what his parents had said about the court case he bit his lip to keep from moaning aloud.

_Oh God! What if I made things worse?_ He shook his head. _What if they use this against Helga?_

He was called into a small office, it was less grim than Mister Creaver's office. Arnold took a seat in the plastic chair, fidgeting with his hands to keep them from shaking. He had never been in the counselor's office before.

A man in a brown vest and starched white shirt sat across from him. He reminded Arnold of his elementary school teacher, Mister Simmons.

"Hello, Arnold. My name is Mister Thomas." His voice was soft and calm. "Can you tell me what brings you here today?"

Arnold ran his hand through his hair, his hands were still shaking. "Well...um...I know what I did was wrong, and um..."

"Arnold, I'm not here to punish you." He shifted his legs. "This is a safe place. I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me what happened, and more importantly _why_ it happened."

"Okay..." Arnold nodded. He swallowed, his throat was dry. "Well_...a lot _happened..."

Arnold kept his gaze on the floor as he told Mister Thomas about how Lila and the other girls had been tormenting Helga. About how she started living at the boarding house because of Bob's abuse. And finally, about how she lost the baby and him lashing out at Lila.

He was visibly shaking by the time he finished. While Helga had seen her therapist on and off during elementary school, Arnold had never gone to therapy. He felt laid bare.

_Is this what Helga felt like? Is this why she used to be so mean, because she felt vulnerable like this all the time?_

"Thank you, Arnold." Mister Thomas pulled out an over-sized manilla envelope. "I need to ask you, do you recognize this? I understand if this will upset you."

He pulled out the wire hanger and note that had been taped on Helga's locker. Arnold's insides writhed.

_Our baby is dead..._

"No!" Arnold swept the hanger and note off the table, they landed on the floor next to Mister Thomas. Arnold stood, unsure of what to do with himself. He sank back down into the chair with his face in his hands. "Oh God..." he whispered.

Mister Thomas picked up the offending items and put them back in the envelope and away in his desk. "You seem to have quite a bit of pent up anger. This is understandable, given your circumstances."

Arnold didn't want to hear anymore. He was tired of the adults trying to categorize his feelings, put everything into neat tidy boxes. They wanted him to file it away and move on, but he couldn't. He was annoyed at his useless classes and his idiot classmates.

_Now I know how Helga always felt..._

"Would you find it helpful to visit me, or another counselor, Arnold?" Mister Thomas prodded.

"What's there to talk about?" Arnold unfolded himself, still staring at the floor. He gritted his teeth. "Our baby is dead."

Mister Thomas nodded. "Sometimes it helps just to talk and get your feelings out. We don't have to talk about anything in particular."

Arnold sighed. "I really don't want to..."

"That's all right." Mister Thomas picked up a notepad and a pen. "Feel free to come back when you like." He scribbled something down. "This is your appointment for tomorrow. I am going to talk to the dean about what happened, and we will decide on the consequences together."

Arnold glared at the paper. He hadn't expected to get out of trouble, but he couldn't help feeling betrayed.

Mister Thomas held up his hands. "I know it seems unfair, but you _did_ harm another student. We can't overlook that."

Arnold stuffed the note into his pocket. "I understand."

The waiting room was empty, save for the receptionist. Arnold showed himself out, his stomach boiling with anger and dread. The last thing he wanted to do was go back to class. He checked his watch, he had already missed several classes.

_Well, at least the day is almost over anyway._ He sighed and headed to his locker.

News of Arnold slapping Lila had already spread like wildfire. Lila avoided Arnold for the rest of the day, instead she sought out the biggest gossips and spun them yarns. By the time Arnold boarded the bus to go home, the girls were squawking about how he had brutalized Lila, even after she had begged for mercy. He rode the bus in silence, ignoring the stares and quiet chatter of his classmates.

When Arnold arrived home, he saw his grandmother making dinner. His parents were working late that night. Arnold snuck upstairs. He was in no mood to deal with the boarders or his grandmother's antics. The door to Helga's room was closed. He knocked and heard scuffling inside. The door opened a crack, and then swung fully open, revealing Helga in one of his shirts, a pair of pajama shorts, and slippers.

Her eyes shimmered and she threw her arms around his neck. Her face was hot. "I missed you!"

Arnold hugged her back. Helga pressed herself against him, so he gathered her up, letting her wrap her legs around his middle. He carried her into the dimly lit room and shut the door. Arnold sat down on the bed with her in his lap, his arms still wrapped tightly around her.

"I missed you too." He smelled her hair. It was comforting, and smelled like home. "How did today go?"

Helga rested her head on Arnold's shoulder and nuzzled to get comfortable. She had avoided dealing with reality by reading all day. Her untouched schoolwork sat on the makeshift desk. The idea of conquering basic assignments had sent her into a panic attack for an hour that afternoon.

"Bad..." she whispered.

Arnold rubbed her back. "Me too."

Helga had refused to leave her room all day. Phil left meals outside her door, but suspected that Oskar had eaten them instead. She would try to read, and would successfully melt into a few pages of literary oblivion before something, the sound of the boarders' voices, or an unwelcome thought, would jog her back and the pain would begin all over again. Helga had spent, what felt like eternity, crying, curled up on the floor. Breathing and moving had seemed like herculean feats through her grief. When she heard Arnold knock on her door, her brain had ignited with joy.

_My beloved, take me far away from here. Wake me up from this vile nightmare. Wrap me in your tender arms and make me whole again._

Stella and Miles came home from work later that evening. They were not pleased with the call they had received from the school, but they were even more concerned when Phil informed them that neither Helga nor Arnold had come down to eat anything.

They approached Helga's room and knocked on the door. When no one answered, Stella opened the door and saw the two teens sitting on the bed in silence.

"Hey, um..." she cringed when they jumped, startled by her voice, "why don't you two come down for dinner?"

Miles nodded. "Your mother and I were thinking about ordering a pizza, how does that sound?"

Neither of the teens responded. Finally, Arnold detangled himself and stood up, his eyes darting around the room.

"Let's sit in the kitchen." Stella motioned for them to follow.

Arnold sighed and plodded toward the door. He turned and saw Helga still cowering on the bed. When she made no move to get up, Arnold went back for her and gathered her up in his arms again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his middle. She leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

Stella and Miles exchanged a look as they watched Arnold carry Helga down the stairs to the kitchen. They followed. In the light they could see how red and puffy Helga's eyes were, and the dark circles under them.

Arnold managed to get Helga to sit in her own chair next to his. Miles picked up the phone and rifled through the drawer of take out menus.

"Pannuchi's all right with you kids?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I think pepperoni would be good, right?"

He placed the order while Stella looked from Arnold to Helga, trying to decide how to broach the subject with them. Miles sat down again, and Stella sighed.

"Arnold, did you have a difficult day at school today?"

He nodded, staring at the table. When he made no move to speak, Stella continued.

"Your father and I received a call from the school. Did you hit someone?"

Stella wanted to believe with all her heart it wasn't true. When Arnold nodded his head, she covered her eyes with her hand.

Miles spoke up. "We know that this is hard for both of you, but you can't lash out like that." His voice was soft, trying to avoid an outburst. "Stuff like this can hurt the court case."

Arnold cringed. _I knew it...if Helga loses the court case, it'll be all my fault._ "I'm sorry..." he whispered, his voice was dry.

"We know you are, honey." Stella had composed herself. "And we're sure that you had a very good reason, but you need to try and be more careful."

Arnold nodded. _I'm ruining everything..._

Stella turned to Helga, who was staring into space. "Helga, sweetie, did you eat today?"

Helga shivered. "No..." she whispered.

"When the pizza comes, can you eat some?" Stella's eyes pleaded. Her heart quailed for the poor girl. Helga's eyes were empty, they frightened Stella.

Helga shrugged. She had no desire to eat. Phil had brought her plates of food earlier that day, but she left them by the door.

_Gummi Bear isn't here...she doesn't need food anymore..._ Helga shivered again.

When the pizza arrived, Phil joined them at the table, wanting to pilfer a slice or two. Pookie had cooked leftover beef stew, and Phil was still hungry. Miles had warned Phil about the situation, but he didn't cut his lighthearted mood until he walked into the kitchen and saw the two teens sucking all the life out of the room.

Stella put some silverware and napkins on the table. Miles set the pizza in the center of the table and got out some plates. Stella pulled out a couple slices and handed them to Arnold.

Helga stared at the pizza. It smelled good, but it was so far away. She couldn't make her arms move to reach for it.

Arnold took some of the silverware and started cutting one of the pizza slices. He turned to Helga. "Sweetheart, can you eat some for me?"

She was able to make her hand cooperate, even though it was shaking. She timidly reached for the plate. Arnold scooted it closer to her.

The adults watched as Helga took a small piece and ate it. Stella found it hard to eat her own pizza. Her throat had tightened watching the interaction between the two teens. Miles and Phil were able to eat several slices of pizza, but the kitchen remained silent. Arnold had managed to get Helga to eat about half a slice of pizza. When they had cleared away the dishes, Helga sat poking the table with her fork.

Miles cleared his throat and caught Arnold's eye. "Um, son? Can we talk about what happened today?"

Arnold sighed and slumped his cheek into his hand, his elbow on the table. "What about it?"

"Well, son, we got a call from the school that you hit someone..."

"I didn't _hit_ her." Arnold rolled his eyes.

Miles flicked his eyes to Stella for support. Stella leaned forward. "Arnold, it doesn't matter. You did _something_ to another student, and now you're in trouble. Your father and I want to know _why_ you did it."

Arnold picked at the vinyl finish that was coming off the edge of the table. "Lila pushed me too far. She's been harassing the both of us for months now, and the school refused to do anything about it." He straightened up. "She even left a wire hanger on Helga's locker!"

Stella bit her lip, and Miles shook his head. When they didn't respond, Arnold continued.

"Then today she...she told me..." he turned and looked at Helga. _She is going to freak the hell out..._ He looked back down at the table and took a deep breath. "Lila told me _she_ was the one who pushed Helga down the stairs."

All eyes shifted to Helga. She had been placid, but now the fork she had been playing with was sunk into the table top. Her fist clenched around the handle. For a moment, Helga was her old, angry self. She glared at Arnold.

"She what?!" She screeched. "What did that skank do?!"

Arnold swallowed. "Lila said she pushed you down the stairs...it was crazy! She said she did it because then she thought I would be with her, and..."

Helga's chair clattered to the floor as she jumped up. She scanned the room. "I'm going to rip her prissy little head off...!"

"Helga!"

Miles' voice cut through the air, startling her. "You can't go after her. I'm sorry, but the whole point of this conversation is that we need to protect ourselves for the court case." He watched the excitement drain from Helga. "I'm sorry...you should stay home until the court case. We can't risk you and Lila, or anyone else, getting into a fight."

Defeated, Helga had reverted back to her depressed state. The light left her eyes. Arnold righted her chair, and Helga sat down. Stella shook her head and Miles sighed, rubbing his face.

"I really don't blame you, Arnold." Miles shook his head. "I don't know if I would have been able to keep my cool either had I been in your shoes."

Stella put her hand over Miles'. "But we still need you to be strong. You can't react to what people say. It could damage our credibility." Stella smiled at Arnold. "I know it's hard, but when someone says or does something awful, just remember it. Keep track of the things that happen, and just tell yourself 'it'll be worth it when the court convicts them.'"

Arnold nodded. He looked at Helga. She was sullen and refused to meet anyone's gaze. "I'll try." He took Helga's hand in his. "I'll really, really try."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Arnold was sitting in his bed, attempting to do his homework, when he heard a soft knock at the door. He ignored it, thinking it was Stella checking on him; he jumped when the door opened, and Helga entered the room.

"Helga?" He slid off the bed, "What's wrong?"

She stood in the doorway, unsure of herself. She looked up at him and bit her lip. "Can...can I sleep with you?"

Arnold nodded, he sat back down on the bed and patted the covers. "Come here, it's okay."

Helga shut the door and crept toward the bed. She was hugging her journal to her chest. Arnold moved some of his school books out of the way. Helga sat down on the bed, her body close to his.

"There...is that better?" Arnold kissed her cheek.

She leaned against him, her body was cold. Arnold smiled and pulled his homework back into his lap.

_This feels right, almost like before. _He pushed the prickly thoughts to the back of his mind. _This is how it should be...Helga at my side._

Arnold kissed her hair, and looked down. He saw the scrawl of her purple pen racing across her journal. At first, he felt happy that she was finally doing something. When Arnold took a closer look over her shoulder, he saw that something was terribly wrong.

_...useless Why? You stupid bitch...how could you? One thing, one thing. That was all you had to do...that one thing. USELESS FILTH._

He swallowed, his eyes jerking back to his homework. If Helga knew he had seen...he had no idea how she would react. Arnold struggled through his pre-calculus homework, his eyes drifting back to Helga's scrawl.

Even with Helga pressed up against his side, Arnold felt as if a ten foot wall had shot up between them. Arnold thought about the rows and rows of little pink journals lined on Helga's bookshelves. _Is this what they're all filled with? That can't be right...there's no way all of them are so awful...can they?_

Helga's pen had stopped. It was hovering over the word "Why?" Arnold noticed her lack of movement and looked over again. She took a long shuddering breath, her hand wiping her face. Arnold let his homework fall to the floor. He took her in his arms, her shock making the journal and pen join the homework on the floor.

She buried her face in his collarbone. Arnold stroked her hair, his eyes closed. Neither of them cried, it was as if they were empty even of tears. His embrace tightened as the thoughts poured back in. Helga being wheeled away in the ambulance...her gaunt face when she was sitting in the hospital bed...

_Our baby is gone..._

A knock sounded on the door, startling the teens. Stella walked into the room. Her face fell when she saw Helga. She fidgeted.

"Um...Helga...I think it might be best if you get some sleep..."

Arnold let go, his heart shriveling as he watched Helga stand up. Stella kept her eyes on them, watching Helga gather up her things. When Helga walked past for the door, Stella tried to smile.

"Good night, Helga."

She didn't answer, simply left the room; shutting the door behind her. Arnold ran his hand through his hair. He was too drained to be angry with his mother. Instead, he stared at the floor.

"Arnold, I know this is hard..." her voice was soft, "but it's really for the best."

His shoulders slumped. "Best for who?"

Stella sighed. She opened her mouth to say something, then shut it. She put her hand on the doorknob. "Good night, Arnold."

He refused to look at her. "Night."

Arnold sat on his bed, staring at the floor, for what seemed hours. The motivation to do his homework had been sucked out of him. He kicked off his shoes and flopped back onto his bed, looking up at the skylight. The sky was dark, clouds were rolling in.

_I wonder if it'll rain tomorrow._

His mind kept busy with safe thoughts. He pushed the looming memories down under these useless musings. A light flashed across the sky. Arnold couldn't decide if it was a shooting star, or just an airplane. He rolled over, staring out into his room. The spaces where Helga's belongings used to be were still empty. His mind filled in the spots for him, her bookshelves, the full length mirror, her monstrous computer. He sighed.

The next morning, Arnold's alarm went off. He hunted for his phone on the floor to shut the annoying ringtone off. He had slept in his clothes. They were rumpled and the jeans had cut into his legs. He scratched his hair and plodded down to the bathroom for a shower. He shed his clothes, inspecting the strange pink lines they had caused. The water was warm, and he sighed with relief.

The bubble of sleep burst while Arnold was scrubbing his hair. Everything came tumbling back into his mind. Arnold gasped. Dread and sorrow flooded him, making his body heavy.

_Our baby is dead! Helga is slipping away and our baby is dead!_

"No..." he whispered, "please no..."

He remembered slapping Lila the day before. His insides stung. Everyone was going to attack him at school. Arnold covered his face with his hands.

_No! This can't be real! It just can't be!_

Lila's face swam up into his mind's eye. He shook as tears overwhelmed him.

_I just did it to show you how much I love you..._

"No!" He gasped. _How could you?! I'll never see my beautiful little angel! How could you?!_

Arnold tried to breathe, but his throat was tight. The grief was strangling him. He leaned against the tile wall, the coldness cut through him. It felt good, in a strange uncomfortable way. It cooled his hot face. He could breathe again. The thoughts of Lila were shoved down. His breathing slowed.

_I'm so sorry, Helga...I wasn't there...I couldn't protect you..._

He shook his head. The water was becoming cold. He shut off the shower and pushed back the curtain. The weight came back, pressing down on his body. He hadn't even gotten to school yet. He wasn't sure he could bear it.

His hand wiped the condensation on the mirror. Water trickled off his body and from his hair. The figure that looked back at him was gaunt, dark circles sunk his eyes into his skull. Arnold grabbed the towel and viciously dried himself off. Dull anger hovered on the edges of his sorrow. He pushed it back.

_I can't react. I can't do anything. I have to stop messing up..._

Big puffy snowflakes were falling from the overcast sky. Arnold's breath billowed before his face as he waited at the bus stop. Snow gathered on his coat and in his hair. He made no move to dust himself off as he got on the bus.

The other students sat away from him. The seat next to him remained empty. His mind blocked out their chatter. It all seemed useless. Talk of hook ups and break ups, agonizing over tests not studied for, speculation on rumors and things people had said. Arnold stared out the window, his annoyance growing. He knew it was only a few months before that he had engaged in the same worries, but that seemed ages ago. He hated them for their petty woes.

_What am I doing? What's the point? This is all useless...these classes, these relationships..._

Arnold exited the bus, carried by the wave of people toward the school. Gerald was waiting for him at his locker.

"Hey, man." Gerald's voice didn't have the usual bounce to it.

Arnold nodded. "Hey."

He shrugged, watching Arnold's sullen face. "You wanna hang out later?"

"Maybe..." Arnold sighed, "no offence..."

Gerald shook his head. "None taken, man." He put his hand on Arnold's shoulder. "You take the time you need." He smiled. "I'm here for you, man."

Arnold felt the air rush out of his lungs. A smile broke on his face. They did their handshake and walked to first class together. His body felt lighter.

_This is why...the here and now is pointless, but my friends...I need my friends._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Arnold could feel the glares and stares boring into his skin as he walked through the halls and sat in his classes. It seemed as if the female population had banded together and united a hatred for him. He fought to ignore it. The girls would whisper to each other in the hall as he walked past. The note passing during class nearly drove him insane. Little intricately folded squares exchanged hands at alarming rates. He started glaring at his teachers while struggling to pay attention to his lessons.

_You cowards. Why don't any of you put a stop to this? Why didn't anyone listen when they planted that hanger on Helga's locker? This is all their fault! My baby is dead because of these idiots!_

A girl named Rachel, a friend of Denise's, hip checked Arnold when the bell rang. He dropped his notebook, and she trotted past, smirking. Arnold glared at her, but said nothing. He shoved the notebook into his backpack and exited the room. A knot of girls were waiting for him in the hallway.

Nina jabbed her finger at Arnold. "Pretty brave, walking around like nothing happened."

The other girls murmured, their glares unyielding. Arnold rolled his eyes.

"Look, I have to get to class..."

"Why? So you can hit someone else?" An evil grin spread on Denise's face. "You misogynistic pig!"

The girls giggled, their laughter was hollow and full of anger. A chill went through Arnold.

_This is why Helga got pushed down those stairs. Girls are evil, this is crazy!_

Rachel shook her head, mocking him. "I bet he _hits_ Helga! That's why she was all complacent being his baby momma!"

The girls burst into shrill laughter at the planned joke. Arnold felt rage building, his previous cautions forgotten.

"Shut up!" He screamed. "How _dare_ you insult Helga like that! You want to know the truth, I slapped Lila, I did! And you know what? _I'd do it again...over and over again _if it would bring my baby back. You're all _sick_. Helga is _suffering_ and you just take it as another gem for your stupid gossip!"

The dark gleam in his eyes made the girls falter. They glanced to one another, unsure of this reaction. Finally, Nina spoke up again.

"S-see! He admitted it!" The girls nodded their heads, following along. "He would hit Lila _again!_"

Arnold turned heel. He knew it was useless. The girls shouted insults after him. The anger throbbed in his head. He pushed his way through the halls to his next class. Students stared at him, intimidated by his dark glare.

_They just don't get it! Or at least, they don't want to...how can they be so blind? How can they so completely ignore suffering like that?_

His anger fell as he remembered it had not been long ago that Arnold himself had ignored Helga. His jealousy of Wolfgang had gotten the better of him. He pushed the ugly thought down.

_That was different...I didn't go out of my way to make her miserable..._

Arnold swallowed. He knew it wasn't much different. He sighed. His body felt heavy again, the weight crushing his limbs. As Arnold neared his classroom, he saw Rhonda and Nadine clustered near a row of lockers. They were whispering quickly, then shaking their heads. When they saw Arnold approach, their conversation dropped. Rhonda avoided his gaze by playing with her bracelet. Nadine gave him a sad smile, then darted her eyes away. He sighed and continued walking.

_What was that all about?_ The anger had deflated when Nadine had smiled at him. He wasn't sure why, but it seemed almost sympathetic in a way.

Arnold flopped into his desk. His classmates had dialed their conversations down to whispers when he had entered the room. Arnold leaned over his desk, trying to ignore them.

His mind was on automatic as he copied notes off the board. His thoughts were far away. He wondered if Helga had eaten today, or if she was just sitting in her room in the dark. Arnold ran his hand through his hair.

_She must feel so alone...I wish I didn't have to come here and leave her like that...I'm not even learning anything anyway. What's the point?_

The bell rang, freeing Arnold to escape to the cafeteria. He passed by the dean's office on his way. He remembered Mister Thomas' offer, that he could come in and talk. Arnold shook his head and kept walking.

_What is there to talk about? Just sit and tell him how stupid and pointless everything is? What good would that do?_

He clenched his teeth. The thought of Mister Thomas' mock concern made his insides squirm.

_Why is everyone so fake? Why don't people really care? My baby is dead! Why doesn't anyone care?_

His body felt hot when he sat down at the table. Gerald was already there, waiting for him.

"Hey, man." Gerald searched Arnold's face.

Arnold sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Hey."

Gerald pulled out his lunch. "So, you doing anything after school?"

He shrugged. "I have some stupid meeting with the dean. You know, the whole Lila thing."

"Do you want me to wait up for you?" Gerald opened his Yahoo soda and took a swig.

Arnold shook his head. "You don't have to do that...I have no idea how long it would be anyway."

Gerald nodded. "It's cool. You can call me when you're done and we could...I dunno...go somewhere, or whatever."

"Thanks, Gerald." Arnold traced his finger on the table. He wasn't hungry even though Stella had packed him some of his favorite things for lunch. "You know, I _knew_ friends were important before...but now..."

Arnold talked about the things the girls had said to him, and about the things he had seen written in Helga's journal. It felt good to lance the wound, but for some reason Arnold felt as if the weight was even heavier, pressing him down. Normally, Gerald would have added his signature quips, but today he remained silent. When Arnold finished, Gerald nodded, weighing his response.

"That's really rough, man...really rough..."

They remained silent for the rest of the period. Arnold was glad that Gerald hadn't tried to cheer him up, or encourage him to look on the bright side. He felt as if all those years of optimism were childish. It was easy to be a Pollyanna when your biggest concern was Helga gluing feathers to your butt. You would have to be delusional to find something positive when dealing with death, persecution, and the one you love most losing her mind.

The last bell rang, filling Arnold with dread. He trudged to his locker, filling his backpack with books and paper to take home. They may as well have been rocks, they were about as useful now. Arnold shut his locker, the weight crushing him. Breathing was a conscious effort. Arnold shut his eyes and sighed, his hand still on his locker.

_You can do this...just get it over with and you can go home. Go home and see Helga again._

He hung his head, walking toward the dean's office. His legs felt like they were mired in sludge, each step draining him. He rubbed his face with his hand.

_...when I open the door, she'll be standing there, her face glowing. Her beautiful hair will be tied back and she'll kiss me. Our baby will be in her arms, and we'll all be together...her standing there, smiling...my angel..._

The fantasy shattered when Arnold stopped before the doors to the office. He opened the door, the secretary pointed him to a room down the hall. Arnold followed her instructions, the beautiful fantasy melting away. Reality was crushing him again, making it difficult to breathe.

Mister Thomas and Mister Creaver were sitting together in a larger office. There was a small chair waiting for him.

"Hello, Arnold," Mister Thomas gestured toward the chair, "I'm glad you made it on time."

Arnold nodded and sat down. His gangly legs were awkward, the chair was too low. He felt a dull stab of anger.

_Even the adults have to humiliate me..._

Mister Creaver cleared his throat and held up a filing folder full of papers. "It has come to our attention, Mister Shortman, that you assaulted another student."

Arnold hung his head. He knew it was useless to argue.

"Normally, there would be _severe_ consequences for such behavior. _But..._" he set the folder down on the desk and opened it. "Given the circumstances, we are willing to give you a lesser punishment."

The adults babbled on about "responsibility" and "consequences." Arnold largely ignored them as they rambled. He knew that they wouldn't welcome any input from him. The process would go faster if he stayed quiet.

_Is everything in life this pointless? This hopeless? Is suffering and humiliation simply inevitable?_

His heart clenched remembering Helga's smile, her laughter. He rubbed his face with his hand.

_I wish I had cherished those moments...I wish I had realized how truly special her happiness was..._

"...Mister Shortman?"

Arnold snapped back to attention. "What?"

Mister Thomas sighed, realizing that Arnold had not been paying attention. "We have lowered your punishment to two weeks of detention, so long as you visit me regularly. We need to monitor this violent behavior, and work to correct it. That way, we can help prevent another situation like this from occurring."

Anger stabbed Arnold again. _So I have to be monitored? I have to be treated like a criminal? But Lila gets off without even a slap on the wrist?! The people who bullied Helga don't matter?_

He bit his lip as realization spread over him. He shivered. _Yes...that's right...Bullies don't get punished, just the victims when they fight back..._ It was all too familiar.

He nodded. "Okay...I can do that..."

The adults relaxed, the relief on their faces was obvious. Mister Thomas smiled.

"That's very adult of you, Arnold." He wrote instructions on a form. "We'll let you have today to reflect, but tomorrow you will report to me during your free period, then to detention after school."

Arnold nodded again. He bit back his feelings as he took the form from Mister Thomas.

"You can go home now..." Mister Creaver cleared his throat. "We expect you to follow through tomorrow."

"Yes..." Arnold gathered up his backpack and left the room.

_Helga...is this what life has always felt like for you?_ Memories of Helga constantly being in detention throughout grade school and middle school filled his mind. _Were you always so angry because you knew how pointless it all was, while we were all blissfully ignorant?_

He shook his head. "Of course she did..." he whispered to himself. "That's why she hid it from me..."

_She loved me that much...She let me have my ignorance..._

The wind slapped Arnold's face as he waited at the bus stop. The air was freezing, but the snow had stopped. It cut through his coat. He shivered, staring out into the road.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

The following day Arnold went through his classes only half listening. His world was in slow motion. Arnold felt as if his body were slowly hardening, as if the air itself had transformed into something heavier, like water. His limbs ached and his eyes were raw. When the final bell rang, Arnold leaned against his locker, gathering his strength.

_This is a waste of time!_ He shook his head. _It's already bad enough that I spend so much time at school away from Helga...now I have to spend even more time here..._

His mind burned as he imagined Helga sitting in her room, waiting for him. He slammed his fist into his locker, denting it. His hand smarted, but he barely took notice.

_I have to do this. If I don't do this then...I don't know...but it can't be anything better..._

Arnold ran his hand through his hair and scrubbed his face with his hand.

_Okay. I can do this._

He fought his way through the herd of students who were all heading for the doors. Arnold broke the stream of bodies, heading down the main hall toward the dean's office. His hand was sweating and made the doorknob shiny as he opened it.

The receptionist looked up at him, then went back to checking forms. Arnold made his way to Mister Thomas' office. The door was already open, Mister Thomas sat straight at his desk, waiting for him.

"Hello, Arnold." He smiled. "Thank you for being so prompt."

Arnold let his backpack drop next to his chair, and took a seat. He kept his eyes on his hands in his lap.

"Well, now. We have half an hour to ourselves before your detention starts." He opened a large folder with several papers. "Last time we touched on several topics. Is there one you would like to discuss today?"

Arnold shrugged. "Not really..."

Mister Thomas looked up from his papers. His gaze stern. "Arnold, I know you would rather be at home playing video games, or doing anything else. But we need to use this time productively, otherwise you might see your punishment extended."

"You know what I would rather be doing right now?" Arnold glared at Mister Thomas, his voice low. "I would rather be at Helga's side, caring for her since _no one else_ seems to care that she's _suffering._"

Mister Thomas folded his hands on his desk, happy to have hit a nerve. "And why do you think that no one cares about Helga?"

Arnold leaned back in his seat, hot anger welling up in his stomach. "_Oh I don't know._ Maybe it's because no one took action when a threat was made against her. Because the monsters that pushed her down the stairs aren't being punished..." his voice grew more insistent as he spoke. His mind whirred, Arnold had never felt this kind of anger before. It was infectious. "_Because_ I'm sitting in a stupid office while she sits alone and afraid. _Because she's starving to death and barely speaks anymore!_" He trembled, his hands balled into tight fists. His fingernails were cutting into his palms.

"Those are all _very_ good reasons for why you would prefer not to be here." Mister Thomas whispered.

"This is all _your_ fault." Arnold gritted his teeth. "If your stupid administration wasn't full of idiots, my baby would still be alive."

Mister Thomas nodded. His pen sat next to his hand, but he didn't dare reach for it. He had not quite broken through yet, and knew the wrong thing would send Arnold back into silence. "The baby was very important to you."

Arnold scoffed. "Why wouldn't it be? That baby was going to be my whole world..." his voice grew softer, his gaze dropped back to his lap. "My precious little angel..."

"I think it's admirable, Arnold." Mister Thomas smiled. "Not many guys would stay by their girl and want to be a part of their child's life."

"I'm not like other people..." Arnold felt the anger rising again.

"Did you already have names picked out for the baby?" Mister Thomas started writing notes in his notebook. Arnold did not seem to notice the pen scratching across the page. "Would it be easier to refer to the baby by a name?"

"Gummi Bear." Arnold whispered. "The baby wasn't developed enough to be identified...so we called it Gummi Bear..."

Mister Thomas nodded. "Would it make you more comfortable if from now on we referred to the baby as 'Gummi Bear?'"

Arnold nodded. The fantasy hovered in the back of his mind. His body started to relax. _I'll go home and Helga will be waiting for me with Gummi Bear in her arms..._

"...Arnold?"

He blinked and sat up. "Huh?"

"I was asking if you have dealt with the loss of a friend or family member previously?"

Arnold recalled that Misses Vitello had died a few years back. She had died of a stroke while tending her garden at home. While it had been sudden, it hadn't been unexpected. Misses Vitello had been extremely old and her niece was already managing the flower shop full time. It had been sad, but that was all.

"Not really..." a pang went through Arnold as the words escaped his lips. _My parents...No! I don't ever have to think about that ever again! Helga fixed that for me...Helga..._

Mister Thomas watched Arnold's mood change. His suspicions told him that Arnold was lying, or at least was not willing to be truthful. "It can be difficult to deal with loss...that's why we're here, Arnold. I want to help you cope with that loss and find more positive ways to handle your emotions."

Arnold nodded. He felt confused. _Maybe this might be helpful...but it's still technically a punishment._ He felt tired again, his body heavy.

"We're just about out of time." Mister Thomas handed Arnold a piece of paper. "This is for you. I want you to read this when you get home. You are to report to room E42 for the remainder of detention. This will be our regular schedule for the next two weeks. Do you understand?"

Arnold took the paper and stuffed it into his backpack. He stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Yes." He muttered.

"Good bye, Arnold. Thank you again for coming." Mister Thomas called after him.

_Whatever._ He sighed.

Arnold headed down the hall toward the school swimming pool. He had never been down to this part of the school, only passed it for the swim unit in gym class. The tiny staircase was cramped and dim. He made his way up to the rooms that unfortunate students were crammed into either for study hall or detention. Arnold found the proper room and let himself in.

There were six rows of desks, four desks deep. A crotchety old man that Arnold had never seen before was seated at a broken down teacher's desk, reading a book. He looked up when the door opened, and grunted at Arnold.

"Take a seat. No talking or fucking around."

Arnold was taken aback hearing a teacher curse. He nodded and made his way toward the desks. The back desks were completely filled, leaving some in the middle, and the entire front row. Arnold settled for a middle desk near the door, not wanting to appear afraid. Two boys were drawing on the desks with sharpies, while another carved into his desk with an empty pen. A larger girl with her hair buzzed was leaning back in her chair with her feet on the desk. No one was reading or doing any homework. Arnold pulled out his notebook and started to scribble, unsure of what to do with himself.

_What am I doing here?_ He swallowed, keeping his gaze on the desk before him. He could feel the "problem" students staring at the back of his head. _This is where kids who get caught doing pot in the bathroom, or kids who talk back to their teacher end up..._Arnold ran his hand through his hair. _Or kids who beat up other kids are sent...that would be me..._

He kept his thoughts focused on Helga to pass the time. He doodled ribbons on the edges of his notebook. What Mister Thomas said had struck a nerve with him. _What would we have named Gummi Bear? Would it have been a boy or a girl?_

Arnold started writing names down, each sounding more real than the last. _Joyce, Thomas, Phillip, Veronica, Daniella..._His throat was tightening as he wrote each. He sighed, staring at the page. _I just want my angel back...my life back. _He picked up his pencil and wrote one last name down.

_Angelina._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

The sunshine was warm on Helga's skin. She could feel the breeze through the loose cotton sundress Arnold had bought for her. She had complained to him about how the maternity clothes made her look frumpy. He had surprised her after school, relishing in her excitement to try it out at the park.

Arnold was pushing the stroller behind Helga, she could hear her baby gurgling. Helga raced ahead, looking for the perfect spot. She found a shady tree and spread out the blanket. Arnold parked the stroller in the grass, and took their baby out, cradling the tiny child in his arms.

"It's such a gorgeous day..." Helga sighed as she sat down on the blanket.

Arnold nodded, and sat down next to her. Helga took the baby in her arms.

"Almost as beautiful as you." Arnold swept a stray curl from Helga's face. "I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon, than with my two favorite people."

Helga swooned. "Oh, Arnold..."

The sky darkened, growing hazy, and the warmth faded. Helga's eyes fluttered open. She was in her bed, and had managed to kick the covers off. The room seemed strange. Helga sat up, her eyes adjusting to the gloom.

"Arnold?" Helga whispered.

When she realized that the bed was empty, and that there was no skylight in the ceiling, reality slammed through her chest. The wind was knocked out of Helga as she remembered that her belly was empty, and there was no happy child sleeping in a nursery.

"My baby!" Helga gasped as she flopped back down onto the sheets. "My baby!"

_Why did I wake up? What am I doing here? I was so happy! My baby is dead...my baby is dead!_

Helga drew the covers up to her face, clenching them in her fists. They were soon soggy from her crying. Her body shook as she squeezed her eyes shut; her limbs writhing, as if trying to find something to latch onto.

_My baby is dead! My baby is dead! It's all my fault! I was so stupid! I had one thing to do, one thing to make him happy...and I killed our child! All I ever wanted was to show Arnold how much I love him...this was the perfect way...and I messed it up! I mess everything up!_

Her hair stuck to her face. It was hot and itchy. She tried to wipe her face with the covers, but they were wet and slimy with tears and snot. Helga rolled over, fisting the new section of covers.

"My baby is dead..." she whispered, "My baby is dead..."

Helga's mind whirred, like an insect. She stared at the blank wall, her eyes unfocused. While muttering the mantra "my baby is dead," her mind quieted. Soon, Helga was silent, staring at the wall. For the first time in years, her mind shut down, and was empty.

Stella had texted Arnold while he was in detention that they would be meeting the lawyer once he got home from school. The bus ride home had been dismal, it had begun to rain. He didn't understand why the lawyer couldn't just come to the boarding house, they were paying him enough, after all. When he arrived home and went upstairs to check on Helga, he found that her room was dark. He could see her form huddled in bed.

"Helga?" He whispered, "Are you asleep?"

She jumped up, her eyes wild as terror raced through her mind. She was upright, but her limbs flailed, as if she couldn't decide if she wanted to yank the covers over her head, or escape the bed altogether. The situation was quite comical, but Arnold's sympathy for Helga's grief-stricken brain made it anything but funny to him.

"It's okay! It's okay!" He rushed to her side, trying to contain her gangly limbs. "It's just me! It's okay!"

Arnold felt as if he were trying to contain a startled cat. Her heart raced as she tried to fight him, but his grip was too strong, and she eventually gave in. When Helga's body grew limp, accepting defeat, Arnold loosened his grip. His embrace became gentle, and he coaxed her into his lap. Helga was able to focus and realize that it was indeed Arnold, and not some monster trying to strangle her.

"There now..." He stroked her hair, whispering in her ear, "Everything is all right...I'm here...you're okay..."

_I'm okay..._ Helga's mind slipped into calm once more. _Arnold is here...and everything is fine..._

Helga let Arnold cuddle her and pet her. It soothed her frantic thoughts. The horrible memories seemed to slowly melt away when he was near.

"Can you do something for me, sweetheart?" He crooned.

She nodded her head. _Anything for you, my love._

Arnold kissed her forehead. "We need to visit the lawyer today. Can you get dressed for me?"

Her fear spiked again, igniting her brain once more. Arnold's hand continued to stroke her hair, dulling the immediate panic. Arnold could feel her tense up.

"It's okay...I'll be there with you. We'll get through this together, okay?"

Helga felt the strong urge to obey. She wanted to please him, but the thought of going outside and facing other people made her crumble.

"Outside...?" Her voice was small and strained from panicking and crying.

Arnold nodded, embracing her tighter. "I know. I know it's scary...but I'll be with you."

She swallowed. Her throat was dry. "Okay." She whispered.

He kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's get you in the shower. You'll feel better."

Helga's limbs ached. The idea of a hot shower sounded agreeable. She untangled herself from Arnold's embrace. He walked with her to the bathroom, worried she might drown from a panic attack.

She avoided looking at the bathroom mirror. Helga had no desire to see her reflection with her flat stomach. Arnold noticed her discomfort. He grabbed a towel and covered the mirror with it.

"There, is that better?"

Helga nodded. Arnold smiled. The tension from school had begun to melt away as soon as he had taken Helga into his arms. Taking care of her put his mind at ease.

Arnold sat down on the tile floor and busied himself with staring at his shoes. Helga started to undress, dropping her pajamas to the floor. It had been a while since she had worn proper clothes. The furthest she went from her room was to the bathroom. She hadn't been down to the kitchen except that evening when Arnold had carried her. The outside world did not interest her. If Phil and the other boarders didn't leave food outside of her door, she would probably not eat either. Though she wasn't eating much anyway.

The effects of her grief were already taking their toll. Arnold fought not to stare as Helga stood naked, fiddling with the water faucets in the tub. She had dropped considerable weight. Her hip bones stuck out like sharp right angles. Her waist was pinched further, making her look fragile. Arnold fidgeted with his hands. Helga should have been putting on weight. Her body soft and round from the baby.

Helga stepped into the shower, closing the curtain behind her. Arnold listened as she washed, worrying every time she dropped a shampoo bottle or made a strange noise. It wasn't long before the water was shut off and Helga reappeared. She took a towel from the little cabinet that Miles had built. Arnold watched her dry off, her eyes were far away, deep in thought. When she approached him, he stood up and smiled at her.

"Ready to get dressed?"

She nodded. Arnold put his arm around her and led her back to the bedroom. She was warm from the shower, her hair damp. He liked the smell of her soap. It felt good to have her close again.

_Give me more moments like this. I want nothing more than to be right here with her._

Helga sat down on the bed, her body already tired from too much effort. Arnold opened her closet and started going through her untouched clothes. He found a pretty sweater. It was pink with white piping around the collar and sleeves. He showed it to Helga.

"What do you think of this one? Wanna wear it?"

She stared at the garment, uncomprehending. She looked up at Arnold's smiling face, which made her smile. "Okay."

He handed her the sweater, happy to have succeeded on the first try. "Okay...what goes with that?" Arnold dug through her dresser, looking for suitable pants. It was too cold for her to wear a skirt. "Jeans?"

Helga watched him pull out different shades of denim. "Okay." She repeated.

"Jeans it is." Arnold tried to figure out if it mattered whether the jeans were darker or lighter. The door opened, startling the both of them.

"Oh, Arnold, you're home." Stella's gaze bounced between the teens. "What are you doing?"

Arnold held up the jeans. "Getting Helga dressed."

Stella smiled. "That's nice of you to help, Arnold. I think the darker jeans will look better with the sweater."

Helga watched as Stella picked out underclothes. Arnold hovered nearby, nervous, but desperately wanting to help. Once Helga was dressed, Stella started to brush her hair.

"Helga, honey, we're going to see the lawyer today." Stella crooned as she pulled Helga's hair back. "Do you think you can manage? It's a short drive."

"Okay." She repeated.

Arnold frowned, worried that Helga was just responding and not comprehending. "We're going to go in the car. But it won't be far. Is that okay?"

Helga didn't answer. She picked at her sweater. The idea of going somewhere seemed like they were suggesting going through the closet to Narnia.

"There now, isn't that pretty?" Stella had tied a pink ribbon onto Helga's ponytail.

Arnold tried to distract himself by hunting for Helga's coat. Seeing the ribbon hit home for him that Helga was not the same anymore. A sharp pain stabbed his heart.

_Can I ever make her the same again? Will she ever be Helga again?_

Miles came up the stairs and entered Helga's room. He smiled when he saw Arnold helping Helga into her coat. "Good. We need to leave soon."

"We'll go at Helga's pace." Arnold took Helga's hand in his and coaxed her to stand up.

Stella put her hand on Miles' shoulder and nodded. He shrugged.

"Okay. I'm just glad that everyone's ready."

They piled into the Packard. Helga seemed fascinated with the car, her gaze darting around. Arnold helped her with her seatbelt, then took her hand again. When Miles started the car, Helga screamed.

"What?" He whirled around. "What's the matter?!"

Arnold had Helga in his arms, though it was a challenge since they were both wearing their seatbelts. She was shaking. "It's okay." Arnold looked up at his father. "I think the noise just scared her."

Miles sighed. "Oh. Right then."

They pulled out of the driveway and made their way toward the highway. Arnold continued to soothe Helga, distracting her from the situation at hand. Miles drove slower than normal, worried that a sudden turn might make Helga scream again. They were able to reach the office without further incident, much to the Shortmans' relief.

The Packard was parked in a parking garage attached to the building, and the family made their way into the main office building. Arnold held Helga's hand tight. Her unpredictable behavior made him nervous. She could faint, or bolt down a random hallway. Helga seemed overwhelmed by the lobby, but remained silent.

Miles led them up to the receptionist desk. A man in a suit looked up at them and smiled.

"State your business please."

"Yeah, uh, we're here to see..." Miles dug a business card out of his pocket, "Mister Dreymore."

The man nodded. "Very good. His office is on the fourth floor, room number two-hundred and seventy-two." He pointed at a flight of stairs. "Those will lead you up to the elevator docks. The ones on the right lead to the even floors, the ones on the left to the odd floors."

Miles nodded. "Thank you."

When the family reached the office, Arnold's hands had started to sweat. There were so many floors and rooms that Helga could get lost in. His grip tightened, reassuring himself that Helga was still there. Miles opened the proper office door, revealing a smart little room. There were bookcases full of thick, leather-bound books. Many degrees and awards were framed and hung on the wall. A heavy wooden desk sat in the center of the room. A squat, balding man sat at the desk with his back to the large window. The Shortmans took seats in front of the desk. Helga sat on Arnold's lap. He put his arms around her middle, holding her in place.

The lawyer smiled at the family. "You must be the Shortman family. We spoke over the phone."

"Yes," Miles gestured, "this is my wife, Stella...and our son, Arnold...and our...this is Helga."

He nodded to each of them. "As you know, I'm Alexander Dreymore..." he looked at a paper on his desk, "as I understand, you are here about this young lady."

Stella nodded. "That is correct."

Mister Dreymore put on his reading glasses and scanned another paper. "We spoke briefly, but you informed me that the young lady was attacked by some classmates at school. You also said that the school did not take proper action with the incident."

"That's correct." Stella looked down at Helga, waiting for some spark of recognition that she was being talked about. "Helga's condition has been_...dire_, since the incident."

"I can see that." His voice was grave. "I didn't realize that you would actually be bringing her here today. Has she been well?"

Stella shook her head. "No."

"Can you please explain to me how she is related, or involved with your family?" Mister Dreymore took out a clean notepad and a black pen.

"She became pregnant with our son's child." Stella's voice was quiet. "We took Helga in because her family is well...abusive, and we felt it was a dangerous environment for a developing baby."

Mister Dreymore nodded, scribbling notes. "So I take it that meant you were also keeping the child?"

Stella nodded. "Yes. They were very attached to the idea of having a baby from the start."

"Tell me about the incident."

The room grew quiet. Helga had still not reacted, but now they were afraid she would have an outburst. Miles took a deep breath.

"It was known that the other students were not...kind about the pregnancy. But that's to be expected with high school kids...recently, a wire hanger was taped on Helga's locker with a sign."

"What did the sign say?" Mister Dreymore looked up from his notes. "What did the school do about it?"

"It said 'thought this might come in handy.'" Arnold chimed in.

Helga jumped at the sound of his voice. Her breathing began to quicken.

_Thought this might come in handy...Gummi Bear is dead...my baby is dead..._

"My baby is dead..." Helga whispered.

When Helga did nothing more, Arnold continued. "The school did nothing." He took a deep breath, the memory flooded him with rage. "They said there wasn't any 'evidence' of who did it, so they couldn't do anything about it."

Mister Dreymore looked from Miles to Stella. "Did either of you receive a phone call about this incident with the hanger and the note?"

They shook their heads. Mister Dreymore made a disapproving noise. He scribbled some notes, then looked back up at Arnold.

"How much time passed until the next incident?"

Arnold's grip on Helga's middle tightened. He swallowed the anger and pain. His stomach churned. "We found that taped to her locker before school...Helga was pushed down the stairs before fourth period, I think."

Mister Dreymore nodded. "I expect Miss Helga would have no idea about when this incident occurred if we asked her. Were there any other witnesses who might have a better memory of the incident?"

"Yes." Arnold nodded. His voice was strained. "I wasn't there. I have that part of the day in a different part of the building...Helga and Phoebe have third and fourth period together. My best friend Gerald has class next door, so he'll walk with them."

"Full names, please." Mister Dreymore handed Miles a small notepad and a pen. "Would these friends be willing to testify?"

Arnold nodded. "Absolutely. My friends Dan and Ryan were also there."

Miles wrote down the full names of Arnold's friends. Stella had been fidgeting with her purse.

"How severe was this incident on the stairs?" Mister Dreymore scanned Helga's face. He frowned when he saw that her eyes were still vacant. "What injuries did she sustain?"

"I...I have the paperwork from the hospital..." Stella pulled some papers from her purse. There were lines highlighted and little tabs stuck to the sides.

Mister Dreymore took the papers and examined them. "This is very serious."

They waited while he read the hospital statements and bills twice. Miles set the completed names back onto the desk. Mister Dreymore also examined these, then set all the papers down and folded his hands. He regarded the family over the top of his glasses.

"This last question is the most important. Do you have any idea, or possibly know who did this to Miss Helga? If so, why?"

Arnold spoke up again. "I don't know how many people were actually involved. A lot of the cheerleaders were mean to Helga...but Lila was the one who actually admitted to pushing Helga."

Mister Dreymore's eyebrows shot up. "A confession?"

"Yes," Arnold's eyes darted to the floor. His anger took hold, her words echoing in his mind. "Lila used to be my girlfriend...but we had a falling out a couple years ago...She's been jealous of Helga, so she said she pushed Helga because she thought if the baby was gone that I would want to be with Lila again."

Stella gasped and put her face in her hands. Miles shook his head. Helga was frozen. Her heart was hammering in her chest. She found it was difficult to breathe.

_I just thought you would be happy not having to raise that disgusting brat..._

Arnold jumped as Helga's body went limp in his arms. Her eyes were closed. "Helga!"

Miles grabbed the small notepad and fanned her with it. "Helga, honey...Helga!"

The Shortmans panicked until Helga regained consciousness once more. Arnold hugged her tight.

"Oh, God, Helga! Don't do that!" He gasped. "You scared me."

Mister Dreymore sighed. "I think in the future, unless Miss Helga has necessary information to impart, I think it would be best if she stayed home." He scribbled something and tore off the paper, handing it to Miles. "She is clearly suffering from severe emotional trauma. That is my recommendation for a psychiatrist to examine her. This woman is wonderful, and makes house calls."

"Do you think that's necessary?" Miles scanned the paper.

"It would strengthen your case." Mister Dreymore nodded. "Have her properly diagnosed to have a complete record of the damage that she has suffered. Though you already have a strong case as it is. It's also in the girl's best interest..."

Miles handed the paper to Stella. She looked it over, then slipped it into her purse.

"Is there anything else you wanted to discuss with me today?" Mister Dreymore set his pen down. "We are nearly out of time, but I want to make sure everyone is clear with what our next meeting will accomplish."

Stella shook her head. "No, I think we covered everything...what is the next step?"

Mister Dreymore took out a form and handed it to Stella. "We will begin building the court case. This means, contacting the witnesses, and the accused girl via proper channels. I will handle that, you already wrote down all their names for me, yes?"

Miles nodded.

"Wonderful." Mister Dreymore picked up the small notepad with the names and put it on top of the pile. "Your job is to make sure the details don't escape you or become muddled. I recommend writing everything down. Who knows how long this case will go on for. Call the psychiatrist and set up a home appointment." His gaze drifted to Helga, who was docile again. "Most importantly...keep her healthy and cared for. We may need her to take the stand. But that will be a last resort."

"Thank you..." Miles stood up and shook the lawyer's hand. "Thank you so much."

Stella and Arnold also shook hands with Mister Dreymore. Helga stared at the man, her gaze cutting through him. He cleared his throat to hide his discomfort.

"Well, I hope we can have this settled quickly. Please enjoy the rest of your evening."

They said their goodbyes and stood in the hall with the door closed behind them. Stella and Miles were rooted to the spot, bewildered. Miles rubbed his face with his hand.

"Well...that was...something..."

Stella nodded. "At least we took the first step."

They trudged toward the elevators. Helga sighed, startling everyone.

"Helga, honey, are you okay?" Stella's mind clicked. "Have you eaten today?"

She shook her head. "No..."

Stella looked at Miles. "I'm too tired to go out or cook...let's order in."

He nodded. "Sounds good to me. Kids? What do you want to eat?"

"Whatever's fine with me." Arnold shrugged.

"Well...think about it on the way home." Stella sighed.

They piled back into the car. Helga did not react when the car started, much to Miles' relief. Arnold tried to prod Helga into talking by asking her what she felt like eating. At first, Helga merely responded with "okay" again. After more encouragement Helga started to be more responsive.

"Cookies."

Arnold laughed and kissed her hair. "You can't have cookies for dinner."

"What's it to you, Arnoldo?" Helga snapped.

The air shifted. Miles and Stella clasped hands and smiled. Arnold hugged Helga.

"Oh, Helga!" He fought to keep his voice steady. _Please stay with me! Please don't fade away again. Not just yet..._

Helga grew quiet again. Her voice startled them when she spoke again. "Teriyaki."

"Sounds good to me." Miles nodded. "We're nearly home, we can put the order in."

Arnold smiled. He figured that Helga found Japanese food to be comforting since she often ate with Phoebe's family. He was just pleased that she was talking. He would have let her eat cookies for dinner if it meant she would speak in full sentences again.

He remembered the psychiatrist recommendation. _Maybe that lady can help Helga. She would probably understand what Helga's going through better than I could. Maybe she can help Helga get back to normal..._

"I'll bring you a cookie after dinner," Arnold whispered, "how does that sound?"

Helga's gaze had become unfocused again. She stared out the window. "Okay."

Arnold sighed. _I would give you all the cookies in the world if that would make this all okay again...I wish it was that simple._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Arnold sat on his bed, his homework scattered around him. Helga was laying on the floor. She had a book and a plate of chocolate chip cookies that Arnold had insisted they buy on the way home. He often looked up from his work, smiling when he saw that she was still content.

There was a paper sticking out of his English notebook, Arnold took it out and his face fell. It was the paper Mister Thomas had wanted Arnold to read. He sighed as he scanned the paper.

_The effects of depression on teens...it can be difficult to identify whether a teen is merely having a bout of "teen angst," or if they are truly suffering from depression...loss of interest in enjoyable activities...outbursts...excessive eating...lack of eating..._

The paper went on and on. Arnold crumpled it up and tossed it into the garbage can. He went back to his math homework.

_Yeah, because I have no idea what depression is..._ he glared at the math problems, _because I don't have a live case study of it right in front of me..._

He sighed and rubbed his face. Helga looked up at him.

_Does no one understand how Helga feels? For that matter, does no one understand how I feel?_

The papers rustled, startling Arnold. He opened his eyes and saw Helga had climbed onto the bed with him. Her face was concerned.

He smiled and stroked her cheek. "I'm okay...I was just...thinking."

She didn't look convinced with his answer. Arnold pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

_How can I make things go back to the way they were?_

Helga stiffened when Arnold's arms tightened around her. She could feel him shaking. The ugly thoughts poured into her mind, making her cringe.

_This is all your fault! You did this! You ruin everything!_

Arnold felt Helga stiffen, as if her body was trying to pull away. This made him hold onto her tighter, his mind panicking.

_I would give anything to make this all go away...anything to have you back, Helga. My angel, my darling...please come back to me..._

He didn't cry, but his insides felt heavy. His limbs ached. Helga eventually softened, winding her arms around Arnold. His fingers dug into her skin as he felt her relax. He buried his face in her shoulder.

Helga felt her insides warm. The barrage of bad thoughts stopped. She felt something wash over her, the haze lifting.

"I love you."

Arnold jumped at the sound of Helga's voice. He released her, his eyes darting over her face.

"Helga?"

She looked away. "I'm sorry..."

He turned her head back with his fingers under her chin. "Helga! Talk to me!"

Her large blue eyes rolled back up to him. His heartbeat quickened when he saw that they were clear.

"Helga, please!" He begged. "Stay with me, talk to me!"

Her lip quivered. "I'm scared..." she whispered.

Arnold stared at her, confused by her answer. "Of what? What are you scared of?"

She took a deep breath, her insides quivering. Her mind was already fighting to shut down again. "The bad thoughts..."

"What bad thoughts?" Arnold noticed Helga's eyes starting to glaze over. He shook her. "Stay with me, Helga! What bad thoughts?"

Her face crumpled. She wanted to obey his wishes. She fought the fog, but that let the pain in. "Oh God..." Helga started to shake.

"Please..." Arnold put his hands on either side of Helga's face. "Please, let me help you."

Tears rolled down Helga's cheeks. Her mind flooded with images of her bloodstained clothes, the stairs rushing up to her face, the hospital ceiling. The wail of the fire alarm screeched in her ears.

Arnold watched Helga's eyes grow wide, her eyelids peeled back into her skull. He flinched when her frantic breathing turned to screaming.

"My baby is dead!" She wailed, her hands clawing at her face. "My baby is dead!"

He froze, horror searing through him as Helga turned into a rabid banshee. She rocked back and forth, her hands scratching her face and grabbing her hair. All while screaming over and over again: my baby is dead.

Footsteps thundered in the hallway. The bedroom door was thrown open. Miles and Stella rushed toward the bed.

"What happened?" Miles shouted to Arnold over Helga's screaming. "Arnold?"

His father's voice snapped him from his shock. "I don't know...she was talking to me, and then this happened!"

Stella grabbed Helga's wrists, forcing them down. "Helga!" She shouted. "Helga, please stop!"

"No!" Helga's voice was becoming raspy. "Oh God no! Make it stop! Make it stop!"

"Make what stop?" Stella shook Helga.

Arnold saw that Helga's eyes were still clear. His heart sank as he realized what had happened. He put his hand on Helga's cheek.

"It's okay." His voice was low and soothing. "It's okay..."

He watched as her eyes started to glaze over and she stopped screaming. He kept talking, knowing that she was slipping away with each word. Finally, Helga relaxed and was silent.

Miles and Stella looked at each other, bewildered. Stella stood up, and took Helga by the hand.

"I think it's time for Helga to rest." She led her down the stairs.

Miles sat down on the bed next to Arnold, his eyes on his hands. "What happened?"

Arnold sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I was selfish," he shrugged, "I asked her to stay..."

"Stay?" Miles studied Arnold's slumped pose. "What does that mean?"

"She was being herself. I asked her not to slip away, to stay and talk to me..." he shook his head, "that was a mistake..."

Miles nodded, and sighed. "Tomorrow I'm going to call that therapist..."

Arnold watched his father get up and walk toward the door. Miles turned and looked at him again.

"I'm really sorry, Arnold..."

Miles closed the door behind him as he left. Arnold stared at the closed door, his mind trying to fit together what had happened. He flopped backward onto his bed.

_Is that why she goes away like that? Is it too painful for her to be here?_

His mind drifted as he watched the clouds roll over above his skylight. His eyes became unfocused, and his body relaxed.

Arnold was walking down a white corridor. His footsteps echoed off the empty walls. He could hear a woman crying and screaming. His pace quickened.

"Helga?" He called.

The screaming grew louder. His heart raced as he tried to reach where the sound was coming from.

"I'm coming, Helga! Don't worry, I'm here!"

He reached a plain white door. The screaming was coming from the other side. His hand reached out and took the door knob. The screaming stopped. He swung the door open and saw a man in a white coat, a doctor. Helga was reclining in a hospital bed, holding a small white bundle. She smiled at Arnold.

"I'm so glad you're here." Her voice was soft. She was incredibly beautiful, her hair in perfect ringlets around her face. "You're just in time. Come here."

Arnold slowly shuffled up to the bed. Helga handed him the bundle. It was light and warm.

"Isn't our baby beautiful?" Helga asked. "Aren't you happy, daddy?"

He pulled back the swaddling, his heart racing with joy.

"They're coming back..." Helga's voice whispered.

Arnold screamed as he beheld their "baby's" face. It was a tiny skull, rotting flesh dripping from the bone. Maggots crawled over the mess. He dropped the bundle on the floor, backing away from the bed. Helga looked sickly, her skin ashen and her hair limp. Her eyes were red from crying, dark circles lining them. Tears streamed down her face. She reached out to him.

"Please don't leave me."

The doctor was at Helga's side, holding a hammer and a sharpened rod, like an ice pick. He held the metal point close to Helga's eye.

"Arnodl!" She screamed.

He ran from the room, not looking back. He could hear the hammering of metal on metal. Helga's screams filled the halls once more. He kept running and running, but there was no exit.

The sound of his alarm sent Arnold shooting up from bed. His chest heaving. He whirled around, trying to piece together where he was. Arnold was in his own room, in his bed. The sky was bright with morning sun. He reached over and turned off the alarm on his phone. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his face. The nightmare still fresh in his mind.

_Are these the kind of thoughts that hold Helga hostage? I can't even imagine..._

He shivered. The baby's face burned in his mind's eye. Arnold sat with his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees, for what seemed like hours. He listened to the sound of his own breathing. The dream replaying over and over again in his mind.

_I can't go on like this. Something has to change..._

Arnold sighed and got up. He pulled his rumpled clothes off and checked the time on his phone, nine o'clock. He shrugged.

"Guess I'll be late. Whatever..."


	10. Chapter 10

**My good friend Mia helped inspire this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!**

Chapter Ten

Helga shivered under the blankets. Her mind raced, readjusting to reality, then shut down once more. It was becoming routine in the morning. The small moment of solace where she didn't remember, her thoughts were filled with plans for her beautiful child that would soon be born. Then the memories would flood her senses, blinding her with terror and grief. Her mind would clamp down, making her world fuzzy and slow; protecting her from the onslaught of guilt.

The boarding house was cold since the heat was turned down during the day while the boarders were at work, and Arnold was at school. Helga's fingers tingled and ached. She drew the cover blanket around her and hoisted herself out of bed. The blood drained from her face as she sank to the floor. Her body slammed into the thin carpet, bruising her arm and her side. The room spun as Helga's eyes swam in their sockets. She clenched them shut, concentrating on her breathing.

_You're a waste of space...sleeping in bed all day. What's wrong with you?_

The carpet drained the warmth from her skin through her pajamas. She felt as if her body was melting into the floor. Helga curled up into a ball, pulling the blankets closer around her. Dull pain coursed through her limbs. Visions of blood raced through her mind. Her breath caught in her throat.

_How could you? Arnold and his family took you in, you worthless filth! How could you!_

Helga writhed on the floor, whimpering as pain flooded her mind. She clenched the blanket, drawing it up over her head, trying to shield herself. Her body was heavy, her limbs felt as if they were slowly being crushed.

_You're a drain on his family. You're ruining this family. You don't deserve his love. You deserve to rot on the street!_

Thoughts of Arnold's face broke through the barrage. The momentary distraction allowed her mind to close once more, shutting off the guilt and pain. She sat up, still hugging the blanket to herself. The door loomed across the room. Helga took a deep breath and walked toward it. The air was thick, making it difficult for her to move. She stretched her hand out and twisted the doorknob. The cold metal was a shock to her skin, sending shivers down her back.

Once in the hallway, Helga felt like she had fallen into an alien world. The boarding house was quiet, making her nervous. She flattened herself up against the wall, her heart pounding. When the panic of being outside subsided, Helga sighed and made her way toward the bathroom. The tile floor was frigid under her bare feet. Her nose had started to run, she wiped it on the blanket. She filled the tub with hot water, keeping the blanket on until the bathtub was full.

Helga shed the blanket and her clothes, quickly slipping into the scalding hot water. Her skin turned pink as she relaxed back against the porcelain. The warmth seeping through her body, making the shivering stop. The bathroom was beginning to steam up, making the outside world resemble Helga's mind.

_Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay...it'll be okay...okay...okay..._

Visions of going to the hospital flew before her mind's eye. Gummi Bear's ultrasound picture became clear, both comforting and taunting her. Helga drew her knees up to her chest, and hugged them. She hiccuped as she tried to keep her breathing calm.

_My darling! My dear sweet darling! Mommy is so sorry...I'm sorry! Mommy will keep you safe from now on...Mommy won't let you hurt ever again..._

Her fingernails dug into her legs as she fought her body. The water trembled as her lungs hiccuped and her eyes prickled with tears. She pounded her fists into the water. It splashed up onto her face. She gritted her teeth, angry with herself.

_You had one job, all you had to do was carry that beautiful little angel! You mess everything up! You fuck up! You fuck up! How could you ruin the one gift you could have given Arnold! Fuck up!_

She stretched her legs out, pressing her feet flat against the other end of the tub. Helga pulled at the skin on her stomach. Tears rolled down her face. She ghosted her hands in the air where her pregnant belly would have stuck out to.

_Why?_

Fingernails dug into the taut flesh. She dug her fingers into her stomach, leaving red marks on the skin. Her eyes widened, wild with bitterness. The thoughts were returning with full force. Helga started to hyperventilate. Visions of blood, laughter, and darkness gripped her mind.

_You really thought you could do a better job than your parents? You're an idiot! An idiot! They once thought they could bear a child into the world, and look where that got them! You're a failure! Rot, you useless filth! Rot!_

Her fingernails started ripping ribbons of skin, blood flowing down. Melancholy red satin mixing with the bathwater. The pain spurred Helga to dig harder. The water around her legs was turning pink, and slowly spreading to the rest of the tub.

_How dare you draw breath when your baby is dead? Not even buried. Just sitting, rotting in some hospital garbage bin. How dare you! How dare you!_

Helga's hands flew up to her face, smearing blood. The copper mixing with the salt of her tears.

"I'm sorry!" Her voice rasped. "I'm sorry!"

_Stop breathing...it'll all go away if you stop breathing..._

She dug her fingernails into her cheeks. Her vision blurred as more tears spilled. Helga began openly sobbing, her mouth hanging open.

_Arnold? Arnold where are you? I need you!_

_Don't you dare call out for him like some pathetic mewling kitten! This is all your fault! You don't deserve his sympathy!_

Helga shivered. Her body felt cold, despite the heat of the bathroom and the water. Dread weighed her down. She could almost reach out and touch the menacing thoughts.

_He's going to stop loving you...it's only a matter of time._

"No..." Helga whispered, pulling on her hair.

_What did you expect? You killed the beautiful gift that he put inside you. How can you expect him to repay you with more love? Idiot!_

"No!" Helga screamed. "No!"

Arnold sat in the back of Gerald's car. Phoebe convinced the boys to spend the afternoon at the coffee shop. They had waited for Arnold to finish with detention before heading out. Arnold felt guilty having them wait.

Phoebe set her phone down and sighed.

Gerald kept his eyes on the road. "No word from Pataki?"

She shook her head. Arnold felt panic creeping up on him. Leaving Helga alone while hanging out was making him nervous.

"Maybe we should go pick her up." Arnold suggested.

Phoebe turned around in her seat. "From what you've told us, I don't think it would be wise. Being out in public might cause her to...have an episode..."

He looked down at his shoes and nodded. It was hard, not being able to include Helga in his plans. She was becoming less of a person, and more of a feral pet.

They pulled into the parking lot and spilled out of the car. The teens ordered their drinks and choose a table near the windows. Arnold warmed his hands with his latté. It had snowed for the past couple of days, and the ground was white; the streets full of slush. It would be Christmas break soon. That meant he could spend more time at home with Helga, but they would be unable to go ice skating or go shopping. It was bittersweet.

"I know this has been difficult for you, Arnold." Pheobe's voice was soft. "But we want you to know that we think you're admirable. Supporting Helga like this can't be easy."

Gerald nodded. "What she means to say is we want to help. You don't need to handle this alone, man."

Arnold sipped his drink. He felt strange about their offer. He rubbed his neck. "I don't know...it's really awful...I don't want to put that on you guys."

Phoebe took Arnold's hand. He jumped at the sudden contact. "It's changing you. You can't do this alone. Please let us help."

"Maybe seeing that other people care will help her." Gerald shrugged. "I mean, being locked up alone all day must make her looney."

Arnold nodded. He hated leaving Helga alone. His grandparents had left to visit Mitsy, which meant that Helga truly was alone that week. Every day he worried that he would come home to the boarding house burnt down. Or worse.

"If you guys really want to..." his eyes snapped to Gerald, "but I do have to warn you, she has issues understanding things. She sometimes isn't exactly dressed..."

Gerald nodded. "Don't worry, man. We're your _friends._ We care about Pataki."

A rowdy group of girls from their school came into the café. Arnold sighed and drained his coffee. Phoebe checked her phone.

"How 'bout it?" Gerald nudged Arnold. "Can we come over?"

Arnold nodded. "All right. But don't say I didn't warn you."

He purchased another latté, hoping that Helga might enjoy it. Snow started to fall as they drove to the boarding house. Arnold played with the sleeve on the to go cup and he stared out the window. They were stopped at a traffic light. He watched as a couple snuck a kiss before running across the street. Arnold felt a surge of jealousy strike him.

_That used to be us...How did we get here?_

Gerald parked in the driveway. He left the keys on the hook near the door in case Arnold's parents needed to move his car. They headed up the stairs.

"Helga?" Arnold called out. "Helga, Gerald and Phoebe came to see you!"

The bathroom light was on. He went inside and saw the bathroom was a mess. A wet towel lay near the empty tub. There were red smears on the mirror. Arnold's heart dropped when he realized it was blood. He thrust the latté at Phoebe, and ran to Helga's bedroom.

"Helga?!"

He threw the door open and saw Helga sitting in bed. She was wearing one of his old shirts. There were red streaks on her face and arms. Gerald and Phoebe hovered in the doorway as Arnold approached Helga.

"Sweetheart, what did you do?" He whispered as he picked up one of her arms. There were scratch marks on her forearms. The blood had already started to clot. He looked into her eyes. "Where else are you hurt?"

Her eyes were glassy. She didn't respond. Instead, she lifted her shirt, revealing her stomach.

Phoebe gasped. The scratches on Helga's stomach were deeper than her arms. There was also bruising on her side.

Arnold fought the urge to take Helga into his arms. He took a deep breath and put his hands on either side of her face. "Helga, I'm going to go get the first aid kit and fix this. Okay? Phoebe and Gerald are going to stay here with you. Can you be a good girl for me and wait here?"

She continued to stare at him. He sighed and turned to his friends.

"Can you make sure she doesn't do anything else, please?" His gaze was on the floor.

They nodded. Gerald took a step into the room. "Sure, man."

Gerald pulled the computer chair up next to the bed and sat down. Phoebe sat on the bed next to Helga. All three remained silent. Both Phoebe and Gerald exchanged looks, thinking the same thing.

_We had no idea it was this bad. How can he put up with this every day?_

Arnold returned with the white tin box. He opened it and pulled out cotton balls and peroxide. Phoebe helped, scrubbing the cuts with sanitizer. Helga didn't make a sound, didn't flinch, as they worked. They wrapped her arms and stomach with gauze and tape, worried that Helga would reopen the wounds.

Gerald handed Helga the latté. She took it and started to drink it. Arnold leaned against the dresser, watching her.

"So, what do you guys want to do?" He picked at his hoodie.

Phoebe and Gerald glanced at each other. Helga's silence was eerie. Phoebe finally spoke up. "Why don't we play a game? We could order take out and make an evening of it."

"Sounds good to me." Gerald nodded. "How 'bout it, Pataki? Wanna play a game and scarf down some pizza?"

Helga looked up at Gerald, her mouth still on the to go cup. She blinked at him.

"See, Pataki's down." He turned to Arnold.

Arnold sighed. "All right, I'll go get them."

Phoebe took Helga's hand and patted it. "Helga, do you remember who we are?"

Something flashed across Helga's eyes and the haze lifted. "Duh, Pheebs."

The pair jumped. Gerald leaned toward Helga. "You there, Pataki?"

"Get outta my face, Geraldo!" She huffed at him.

Arnold returned with a stack of games. He noticed the change in the room. He set the games down on the floor. "What is it?"

Helga's breathing had started to quicken. She looked from Gerald to Phoebe. Panic set in.

"No!" She threw herself at the wall, trying to get away from the group. "You shouldn't be here!"

Phoebe tried to put her arms around Helga. "It's okay, we're here to be with you. We wanted to see you. Please don't be upset."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry! Not like this! I'm sorry!" Her fists beat against the wall.

Arnold pried Helga off the bed and held her tight. "Calm down..." his voice was soft, "it's okay..."

Gerald watched, his eyes wide as Arnold soothed Helga, stroking her hair. Her eyes relaxed and grew hazy again. Her body loosened in Arnold's grip.

When Arnold was sure that the episode was over, he let go of Helga and looked her over. "How about we play a game? Wouldn't that be nice?"

She stared at him, then nodded. Helga sat down on the floor and stared up at the games on the dresser. Arnold shrugged at Phoebe. "Why don't you pick?"

"Oh, okay." She got up off the bed and looked the games over. She was still shaken by Helga's outburst. Phoebe and Gerald had expected Helga to be distant and depressed, but her obvious psychosis threw them off guard.

"How about this one, Helga." She held up Stone Age. "I know how you like to collect the cards."

Helga stared up at her. Gerald helped set up the board. Arnold gave Helga her coffee back. It was lukewarm now, but Helga didn't seem to notice. Arnold took the green pieces, Phoebe blue, and Gerald yellow. They gave the red pieces to Helga. As they played Helga seemed to be more aware of her surroundings. When Gerald stole the card Arnold wanted, she even laughed. Arnold smiled at her. It was nice to see her having fun again.

_Maybe they were right. Maybe having more people around to play with her is helping._

Gerald had called for a pizza when they had started the game. The doorbell rang, and Gerald got up as Phoebe and Arnold cleaned up the finished game.

"I'll go get it. Set up another game!" He called over his shoulder.

Arnold kissed Helga's cheek. "Do you want to pick the next game, Helga?"

When Gerald came back upstairs with the pizza, he saw Helga walking down the hall. He entered the bedroom and saw Arnold and Phoebe setting up Vegas Showdown.

"Um, Pataki just left..." he set the pizza on the floor next to the game.

Arnold nodded. "Yeah, she'll be right back. If she takes too long, I'll see what's the matter."

Gerald shrugged and opened the pizza box. The food was piping hot, and the cheese oozed as he pulled out a slice. Helga returned and took her seat on the floor.

Miles and Stella returned home, seeing Gerald's car in their driveway surprised them. When they went to check on Helga, they found an old familiar scene. Arnold, Helga, Pheobe, and Gerald were sitting on the floor, playing a game and eating pizza. They were all laughing and having a good time. Stella's eyes teared up as she beheld the happy teens. Her joy diminished when she noticed the bandages on Helga's arms.

Miles knocked on the door frame. "Having fun?"

The teens looked up. Arnold smiled at his parents. "Yeah, did you want to join us?"

"That's okay, you guys enjoy yourselves." He laughed. "It's great to see you all so happy."

Miles and Stella headed back down the stairs, the noise level rising as Gerald and Arnold started a bidding war. Stella whispered to Miles.

"I don't understand...they seemed so happy."

He rubbed his wife's shoulder. "Maybe Helga just needed to be around her friends."

Stella shook her head. "But didn't you see? Her arms were covered in gauze. Something happened..."

Miles sighed. "Try not to worry about it. At least she's happy _now._ Every happy moment that girl has really counts. I'm sure Arnold will tell us later."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Arnold leaned against the front door. With Gerald and Phoebe gone, reality set in; like sugar on the bottom of a tea cup. Helga had panicked again during one of the games, causing the teens to call it a night. For a moment, Arnold had forgotten the situation and had been a normal teenager with his girlfriend and his closest friends. Then Gerald had said it.

"Get ready for this hand, Pataki! You're gunna wish you had never been born!"

It had taken Arnold nearly twenty minutes to get Helga under control. He sighed and walked into the kitchen where his parents were sitting.

"Everything all right, honey?" Stella frowned when she saw his dejected demeanor.

Arnold sighed as he slid into a kitchen chair. His body collapsed into the rickety wooden frame. He rubbed his eyes. "Just tired..."

Miles rubbed the back of his neck. "We um...wanted to ask you about Helga..."

"What is it?" Arnold leaned his elbow on the table, cupping his chin in his hand.

"We noticed that Helga had some bandages, is everything all right?" Miles looked from Arnold to Stella.

Arnold shrugged. "She had an incident while I was gone. I took care of it."

Stella put her hand on Arnold's shoulder. "Honey, we want to help. Please don't feel you have to take on this burden alone."

_So Helga's just a burden?_ Arnold glared at the table top. _Is she even a person to them anymore?_

"It's fine." Arnold pushed his chair back and stood up.

Miles leaned forward against the table. "Arnold, please. Your mother and I are worried about you."

He shot them a dark look. "And I'm worried about Helga." He turned heel and trudged back up the stairs. His mind spun in circles as he tried to swallow his anger.

_Maybe Helga wouldn't be so crazy if people treated her like a person instead of a 'burden.'_ He shut his bedroom door behind him, leaning his back against it. His face felt hot. _But I'm still treating her like a person, aren't I? Then why is it not enough? Why am I not enough?_

He slid down the door until he was sitting on the carpet, his face in his hands. His breathing grew rapid as he fought not to cry.

_I love you, Helga!_ His body shook. _Why isn't my love enough to bring you back?_

Taking Helga to Slausen's for icecream welled up in his mind. Her smirk as she pretended to be angry with him, her warm hand in his as they crossed the street...all of it burned his chest, making it hard to breathe. Tears trickled into the palms of his hands, and down his wrists.

Helga swinging her legs on the park bench, Helga hugging his arm in her sleep, Helga kissing him in a hallway at school. The memories seared into him, filling his body with hot lead.

The crowd gathered at the windows as paramedics wheeled Helga away, the turbulent car ride to the hospital, hearing those fateful words from that damn nurse.

_'We couldn't save the baby...'_

Arnold slumped over so that he was lying on the floor. He kept his hands over his eyes, wanting to blot out the yellow light from his bedroom lamp. His knees pulled up into his chest, trying to protect himself from the onslaught. His face and hands were wet from crying. His voice was a whisper.

"My baby is dead..."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The café was crowded. The snow made students flock to the tiny coffee shop for lattés and hot chocolate. Arnold fidgeted in his seat, his coffee growing cold. Gerald had waited after basketball practice for Arnold to finish detention. It was the first day of Christmas break, but Arnold found it hard to revel with his classmates. Gerald stared out the window at the falling snow, his body stiff. The two boys had become strained around one another. He turned to Arnold.

"Coach says he understands..."

Arnold shrugged. "I can't do that to the team...anyone else would have been kicked off the team for what I did."

Gerald sighed. "Arnold...we need you, man..."

"I know..." he nodded, refusing to meet his best friend's eye, "I just feel so lost right now...I don't think I'd be able to hold it together. I'd just screw the team up..."

Arnold had spent most of his time in detention the past week brooding. At first the idea of basketball practice had been a welcome distraction, but when he thought about the time he would need to spend practicing, and then away games, he found that his heart just wasn't in it. The excitement and passion escaped him. Arnold had even packed his old trophies in the attic, earning him more concerned frowns from his family.

"Do what you gotta do, man." Gerald leaned back in his chair. "At least come to a few games, the guys miss you..." his eyes darted down to the floor, "_I_ miss you..."

Arnold's fingers tightened around his coffee cup. "Me too, man...me too."

Helga had managed to find a book that kept her mind distracted for an hour. She was lying in bed on her stomach, lost in a world of mountain shamans and a golden phoenix. When a soft knock rapped on her door, she yelped, torn from the delicious story.

"Helga, honey," Stella opened the door, light spilling in from the hallway, "the therapist is coming today...are you dressed?"

The room was dark, save for a small lamp near Helga's bed. She had pulled the shades on the window, not wanting the cheery sunlight to pour in and remind her of the outside world. Stella pulled up the shades, making Helga curl up against the headboard of the bed.

"I'll lay out an outfit for you..."

Stella had taken the day off of work, worried about leaving Helga alone with the therapist. Miles was busy at the museum, helping arrange a new exhibit. Pookie was making grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch, and Stella hoped the simple comfort food would tempt Helga into eating before the therapist arrived.

"Here we are." Stella held up a blue sweater with a sparkly embroidered snowflake on the front. "Doesn't this look pretty?"

She spread it on the bed, along with jeans, socks, and underclothes. Helga stared at the items, but remained silent.

"I'm going to check and see if lunch is ready." Stella headed toward the door. "Please get dressed for me."

When Stella returned, she found Helga dressed and brushing her hair. Her eyes were far away, but Stella was relieved that Helga had actually dressed herself, correctly, today. Stella smiled and dug through Helga's box of hair accessories. She found a blue headband and arranged it just above Helga's bangs.

She petted Helga's hair. "You're such a pretty girl..." she sighed, "I know today will be hard for you, but please know that if you need anything that I'm here for you...We're _all_ here for you, okay?"

Stella jumped when Helga hugged her. The young girl's thin arms wound around her waist.

"Thank you!"

Helga's whisper made Stella's lip tremble. She bit her lip to keep from crying, and held Helga tight.

"I know this is hard for you sweetie. I'm so sorry this all happened the way it did."

They held each other for a moment. Helga felt oddly calm. The parental attention was not familiar to her, and put her warped mind at ease. All too soon, Stella pulled away, taking Helga's hands in hers.

"Please, if the therapist pushes too hard, or you get scared, _please_ shout for me."

Helga nodded, not quite comprehending. Stella stood upright and motioned toward the door.

"Grandma made lunch, do you think you can join us today?"

The offer hung in the air, Helga staring at her. When Stella was about to give up and leave, Helga slid off the bed, her eyes darting from her feet to the door.

"Come on," Stella took Helga's hand, "I think you'll enjoy it."

The dining room was rowdy with Ernie telling an emphatic story about his favorite demolition that week. Stella led Helga to the kitchen where she could eat in peace. Pookie was at the stove, flipping a fresh sandwich.

"It's good to see you, Elanor." Pookie turned off the burner and slid the grilled cheese onto a plate. "The office just isn't the same without you."

Helga stared at the food before her. To Stella's relief, Helga began to pick at the sandwich. She managed to eat half of it before the doorbell rang.

Stella swallowed, she had been nervous about the therapist coming that afternoon. The idea of a stranger prodding Helga seemed like it would only make her worse, rather than be helpful. Miles had managed to get an appointment on short notice, thanks to the lawyer's recommendation. Mister Dreymore had spoken highly of the therapist, but that did nothing to put Stella at ease, having no experience with therapists herself.

She opened the door, revealing a tall woman dressed in a sharp navy blue dress suit.

"Hello, my name is Narissa Channings. We spoke on the phone about Helga."

Stella nodded. "Yeah, I'm Stella Shortman, come in."

She stepped aside, allowing the therapist inside. Narissa's eyes raked over the entrance hall, taking in the shabby wallpaper and old wooden stairs.

"I just want to be sure we're all on the same page," her eyes swiveled to Stella, "Helga is _not _your daughter, correct?"

"Yes," Stella motioned for the therapist to join them in the kitchen, "Helga is...well...our son um..."

Narissa put her hand on Stella's shoulder. "Mister Dreymore filled me in on the situation. I just wanted to be sure that I had the two children straight."

_Children._ The word sent shivers down Stella's spine. It was easy to forget how old the two teens were, and how they were on a certain level still considered "children." Helga's forlorn demeanor made her seem anything but childlike.

"So this is Helga?" Narissa walked into the kitchen, locking eyes with her. "I'm glad to see she's eating."

Helga edged away from the therapist, her mind whirring in the presence of such an intimidating stranger. Her sandwich forgotten, Helga began to calculate how fast she could disappear under the table.

Narissa glanced around the kitchen. "There are a lot of unsafe items here...why don't we go somewhere a bit more comfortable?"

Stella put her hands on the back of Helga's chair. "What do you mean, 'unsafe?'"

"Sometimes patients throw fits or have episodes. If a patient is particularly problematic, I prefer to work with them in a safer environment. Someplace quiet that the patient feels comfortable in, often their bedroom."

"Well...I suppose..." Stella looked down at Helga, "Helga, sweetie, would you feel better if you talked with the therapist in your room?"

Helga didn't respond. Instead, she found a spoon on the table and began tracing the cracks in the vinyl tabletop with it.

Stella took Helga's free hand. "Come on, for me?"

Helga went quietly, allowing herself to be led up the stairs. She kept looking back at Narissa, who followed them up to Helga's room. Once Helga was seated on the bed, Stella took away the spoon and put her hands on Helga's shoulders.

"If you need _anything,_ just holler for me, okay?"

Helga nodded. "Okay."

Stella straightened up and looked at the therapist. "Please...be _gentle_. She's been through so much..."

Narissa pulled out Helga's desk chair and sat down. "Not to worry, Misses Shortman. Helga is in good hands."

Stella closed the bedroom door behind her, and leaned her back against it for a moment. She heard the murmur of the therapist inside, talking. Stella shook her head and headed down the stairs to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

Helga fidgeted on the bed. Narissa took out a pad of paper and a pen, she scribbled down the date, time, and Helga's name.

She looked up. "Well, Helga. As I said, my name is Narissa. I'm here to talk, but mostly to listen. Is there anything you would like to start off with?"

Helga stared at the therapist, her fingers busy picking at the sweater. She looked down at her lap.

"That's all right. It can be overwhelming to pick a topic." She looked around the room. "You have a lot of books, do you read often?"

Helga nodded.

"Do you have a favorite book?"

Helga shrugged.

"What kind of books do you like to read, Helga?" Narissa crossed and uncrossed her legs. "What happens in the stories?"

She chewed on her lip, annoyed by the therapist's questions. Helga picked at a hangnail, her eyes glued on the floor.

Narissa leaned forward in her seat. "I want you to know, Helga, that this is a safe place. I'm not here to judge you, just to listen and help you organize your thoughts."

Helga glared at the carpet.

_Lies, of course you're here to judge me. You're here to evaluate the crazy person..._

"No where is safe." Helga muttered.

Narissa rolled her pen between her fingers. "Why is that? Do you not like living here?"

_No...I'm a burden_

"I do."

Narissa scribbled on her notepad. "If you like living here, then why is it not safe?"

Helga stood up and wandered to her desk. Narissa watched as she took a thick, hard-bound sketchbook into her delicate hands. Helga stood in front of the therapist, flipping through the pages. When she found what she wanted, she handed over the book.

Narissa put her pen and pad down. The sketchbook was heavy and required both hands. On its pages were drawings done in black pen. Strange creatures with large eyes and crooked smiles filled the paper. She flipped the page and found a pencil sketch with watercolors over it. A red body huddled in a black void, tiny yellow paint daubs circling.

She looked up at Helga. "Can you tell me about these?"

Her fingers shook as she caressed the watercolor painting. Helga's lips were pressed tight against one another. Her throat began to tighten.

_My baby..._

Narissa watched as Helga's eyes darted around the page, her trembling fingers were gentle.

"Is this someone important?"

Helga nodded.

"Who is this, Helga?" Narissa pointed at the small red figure.

Tears dripped down Helga's cheeks. Her voice rasped as her eyes widened, the fear creeping in from the corners of her mind.

"My baby..." she choked down a sob, "My baby is dead...My baby is dead!"

The floodgates opened, rendering Helga helpless to the onslaught.

"My baby is _dead!_" She shrieked.

Flashes of blood and raw laughter erupted in her mind.

Stella stormed up the stairs and flung the bedroom door open. She glared at the therapist when she saw Helga curled up on the floor, shaking and screaming.

"I think you're done here!" Stella shouted over the noise.

Narissa looked from Helga's raving body, to Stella. "Misses Shortman, if you recall, I did warn you that outbursts may occur and..."

"Shut up!" Stella growled. "You are done!"

Narissa shifted in her chair. "Please, it's necessary that the patient have no distractions," she gestured toward Helga, "this is a crucial moment."

"Get out!" Stella took another step into the room.

The therapist shook her head. "You are making a big mistake." She closed the sketchbook and set it on the floor. She gathered up her things and stood up. "This girl needs a professional. She is suffering from a serious case of psychosis. She is a danger to herself, and potentially others."

Stella shook her head, she didn't want to hear it. "You frightened her, you pushed too hard!"

"Here," Narissa dug in her purse and handed Stella a pamphlet. "I used to work here...It's a hospital...for when things become too difficult..."

The therapist swung past Stella, and walked down the stairs. Helga was still sobbing on the floor. The front door slammed closed, and Stella gripped the bedroom door frame. The words "_mentally ill," "danger," and "patient," _oozed from the pamphlet in her hand. Her body collapsed into the wall, her head ached. She shook her head, not wanting to see the shattered creature that was Helga on the floor. She turned, shut the door behind her, and walked down to the kitchen; the pamphlet crumpled in her fist.


	13. Chapter 13

Gerald sighed as Arnold pulled out his phone and checked the time. A table of girls were infecting the air with raucous giggling, grating on Gerald's nerves. He pushed his chair out and gathered up his gym bag.

"You let me know when you actually care about seeing me..."

Arnold's head whipped up from his phone. Gerald was already halfway to the door.

"Gerald! Gerald, wait!"

He ignored Arnold, shoving his way through the doorway past a teenage couple. Gerald marched toward his street, not looking back.

Arnold sighed and stuffed his phone into his pocket. He trudged back to the little table and gathered up his school bag and coat. Gerald had been distant since the game night with Helga, or maybe it was Arnold had been shutting him out. Arnold ran his hand through his hair.

_I don't know anymore...what does it matter? Gerald will come around. He always does..._

He pulled out his phone again. No new messages. No new calls. While staring at the screen, he nearly bumped into a young couple. Arnold shoved his phone back in his pocket and scurried out of the way.

"Oh, sorry!"

"Watch where you're going!" Rhonda sniffed. "Don't you know it's _trés grossier_ to have your face in your phone while you walk?"

Her accent had improved since her parents had hired a private tutor, all to train her for their eventual ours of Europe in her adolescence. Her rapid foreign chatter could be heard after school as she spoke with major designers on the phone about new pieces that she wanted for various events.

"Sorry, Rhonda..." Arnold muttered, "I guess I'm just a bit distracted."

She rolled her eyes and urged her man candy boyfriend onward. Arnold watched her disappear down the street, headed toward the bus stop. He made his way in the opposite direction toward his own bus stop.

When he arrived home, he found his mother in the kitchen. Her head in her hand, a mug of something on the table before her. She didn't look up when he walked past. Arnold hung up his coat and trudged up the stairs. Phil emerged from the bathroom, holding a pill bottle and scratching his head. When he saw Arnold, his face lit up.

"Hey, Shortman!" He waved the pill bottle. "Did I forget to refill my prescription again?"

"No, grandpa." Arnold sighed. "Did you drop them on the floor like last time?"

Phil shook his head. "No...darn...maybe Pookie got into them again." He shrugged. "Last time she made a sculpture of a raccoon with them..."

Arnold ignored his grandfather as Phil went wandering down the stairs. Helga's door was closed, so Arnold knocked. When he heard no movement, he cracked the door open.

"Helga?" He poked his head inside. The room was dark. Arnold pushed the door open further. Light spilled over a lump on the floor. He saw that it was Helga.

Arnold crept over to her, not wanting to startle her. "Are you okay?" He knelt next to her, she wasn't moving. He shook her shoulder. "Helga?!"

His heart flew up into his throat. Normally, Helga would mumble or at least try to reach up to him. Her body was limp and unresponsive. Arnold gathered her up into his arms and charged down the stairs.

"Mom! Dad!" He screamed as he ran into the kitchen.

Stella bolted upright. "What? What's wrong?" She regarded Helga's limp body in her son's arms. Her eyes widened.

Arnold bounced on the balls of his feet. "Helga took Grandpa's medication!"

"Oh God!" Stella urged Arnold back into the hallway. "Get in the car!"

Arnold ran outside to the Packard as Stella grabbed the keys off the hook. They piled into the car, Stella's hands shaking as she fumbled to jam the key into the ignition. Stella turned around in her seat.

"Honey, do you know how long ago she took them?"

The car roared to life, and Stella jerked the Packard into reverse. Arnold cradled Helga in his arms, trying to protect her. He shook his head.

"I have no idea. Grandpa said a lot of his pills were missing, and then I found her like this..."

Stella bit her lip as she swerved through traffic, swearing when they hit a red light. Arnold rested his cheek against Helga's face.

_Please don't be dead! _He pleaded. _I need you! Please don't be dead!_

They pulled up to the ER wing of the hospital. Arnold struggled out of the car with Helga. Stella peeled out to find a parking spot. He ran up to the receptionist, his breath ragged, his muscles screaming from the effort of holding Helga's dead weight. Nurses rushed toward him, and Helga was pulled onto a stretcher. He jogged behind them, following them into a room that was over-bright.

_Please don't be dead!_ Arnold's hands were shaking and his body felt cold. He watched as one of the nurses inserted a fluids IV into Helga's arm, while the other pumped her stomach. Arnold couldn't watch, he felt sick.

"No! No! No!" Arnold whispered, his body trembling.

Stella was shown into the room by a nurse, her heart ached from the panic. She had called Miles and urged him to take the most direct bus to the hospital. Arnold was slumped in a hard plastic chair, his eyes glazed over. Helga was motionless on the hospital bed, nurses flying around her.

"What happened?" Stella whispered, putting her hand on her son's shoulder.

He jumped, and looked up at his mother. His body relaxed and he shook his head. "I don't know, I just found her like this...I think she took Grandpa's sleeping medication. He said it was missing when I came home."

Stella's insides burned with guilt, the violent outburst fresh in her mind. Her hand clenched at her side, she swallowed the bitter thoughts.

"What did they say?"

Arnold shrugged his shoulders, his gaze on the bed. After an eternity of awkward shuffling and staring, the senior nurse approached Stella.

"Her condition has stabilized. She ingested twelve pills, would you have any idea of what kind they were?"

"Sleeping medication." Stella nodded to Arnold. "Grandpa said they were missing."

The nurse nodded. "Well, she's lucky that's all she got into then. Had it been heart medication, she would not have made it."

Arnold jumped up. "Is she okay?!"

"Yes, but she's not out of the woods yet. A lot of the active ingredient was absorbed into her blood stream. When she wakes up, we'll see the full extent of the damage."

The nurses parted, allowing Arnold and Stella to approach the bed. Helga was unconscious, her face was pale. He took her hand, it was cold.

_Please come back to me._ He squeezed her hand. _Don't leave me._


End file.
